dealing with aggressive ex

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  • #20316 Report

    Harry Potter

    Good evening

    I would like some thoughts on how to deal with a controlling, abusive and harassing ex-wife following divorce due to her affairs. We have two young children therefore ignoring completely isn’t an option.

    Over recent months I have received lengthy text messages often of an abusive nature. I have asked three times for these to stop, for a while they receded. The last request I made for them to stop was met with a “you don’t tell me what to do response”

    Today I have received another barrage of texts. The general content of which was as follows

    – unilaterally changed our shared care arrangements without agreement as we were still in the discussion stage. She says it’s her right to change it and it now results in me being late for work 2 days a week

    – attempted to tell me my nights of care don’t count as they don’t start until 5.30pm when I pick the children up on my return from work. Stated that this was confirmed by CMOptions even though I have contrary advice from them

    Whenever I push back on one topic I am aggressively met with the next, it will eventually destroy my relationship with my children as it’s made very difficult to maintain.

    For the children’s sake I have avoided a legal route to curtail what has been going on for 4/5 months now, but equally I cannot be bullied and coerced through the remainder of the children growing up. I am concerned about worsening this aggressive approach but it cannot be allowed to continue.

    Appreciate any thoughts on how to deal with this, I’m sure it’s not an uncommon situation

    #20326 Report


    Two thoughts. What is making your ex so aggressive? Does she have a sister or mum you can talk to, to find out what is going on.

    That might help but it doesn’t make it ok. I think you’ll need to get court-ordered access. Your children need to see you, they need that regular relationship so I think you’ll have to get some legal support.

    #20327 Report

    Harry Potter

    Hi Kathy

    Thanks or your reply.

    In short, she’s a controlling narcissist. Needs to make someone else’s life hard for her own self fulfilment.

    Despite her affairs she still tells the school mum friends that we split due to differing parent styles.

    I paid a lot for the divorce, took on a huge mortgage to buy her out the house and now face more legal costs for access rights. This just doesn’t seem fair.

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