Dealing with a ex husband who uses the children
21 October 2020 at 10:24 am #44969
i need some help. I have two children 13 and 10 My husband a year ago said he need some space we were in the middle of a house renovation. He took half the money from our savings a hour before he told me,( I didn’t find out until the bank informed me a few days later) ( he left the children and myself in a house with out heating or mains water or electric no kitchen no ceilings and only 2 rooms which were the children’s nearly finished the rest was a building site) told the children it was my fault he was leaving. After 2 1/2 months of everyone thinking he was having a breakdown it actually turned out he was having an affair,( he actually made me go to marriage counselling and all along he was living with someone else.) he then turned nasty and would not see the children unless the lady was present, it turned out he had moved in with her and work found out, he lost his job he then got nastier, turning up at the house, I didn’t want the children to meet her as it was not fair on them and they needed to see their dad on his own but he would not budge, I asked the children if they were happy to go, they desperately wanted to see their dad, so I let them visit for the weekend, I asked him to follow simple rules of conduct he just was vile to deal with, he would belittle me in front of the children. They went to his girlfriend 3 times his girl friend would record me or video me after my husband would verbally belittle me or verbally attack me, the last time the camp home they were upset and had been told awful lies about my mother who had dies many years ago, but he does this to get me to react. At this point the country was going onto lock down so I stopped contact with the children as he live over 4 hours away and I had to self isolate due to health reasons, he actually coughed on me say he had the virus in front of the children, I did call the police but nothing was done. I allowed calls to continue on my phone and my sons phone until my son who was fed up of being the go between as his dad would not confirm anything with me and my son was starting to get upset and stressed as his father always asked for his sister ( it made my son feel second best ) it was at this point I stopped all contact via his mobile phone if he wanted to speak to them he could call the land line of my mobile, but he choose not to, I contacted mediation and asked him to attend he refused for 3 weeks, finally we had 1 session of mediation which I asked him to resume contact on the land line and at the next session we could look at contact if all went well, a week before next session the mediator said she couldn’t do that day but could do the Friday night or Saturday, I said that I had the children around and didn’t want to do it with them around so I asked for the next date she could do during the day, before this session she called me to say he was not going ahead with Mediation so that night he called I answer and asked him why he just put the phone down, i didn’t not let him speak to the children I asked my solicitor to write to his solicitor to say if he wanted to contact the children via the phone as agreed that was okay, I never got a response but he called and I let the children talk to him, but the first question was always where are you and can you be over heard, I then got a court summons he was taking me to court to see the children, so I put my case to Cafcass and then 3 days before court I found over 1400 texts from his girlfriend to my son, she told him I was lying she told him to trust her and hey he could talk to her and she would not tell his parents, she also congratulated my son for hiding text from me, she had only met him three times I called the police as my solicitor said they language and tone was of a grooming nature and they investigated and down graded to inappropriate contact with a minor, the police didn’t even speak to her my husband shielded her and took the call, She also emailed my children’s school to say she was worried about him ?? The school did not inform me if they had I would have been able to protect my son sooner, I am back in court next month my son does not want to see her again as he feels used and even though I my son was flattered by the attention he also did keep up contact as he just wanted a relationship with his father and thought if his girlfriend like him, his dad would pay him more attention, as my son believes he does not have a good relationship with his dad and that his dad loves his sister more which if being honest my husband does as she is a better sports person and has openly said it to me a few years ago. In court my husband admitted to knowing about the texts, he also has said there are more texts and is refusing to share them with my solicitor.
Any advice on how I can make sure my children do not have to see a dad who does not have their best at heart and has used them and told them lies and a girl friend who thinks it good to alienate my children against me.
sorry for the long message