Daughter wants to live with dad
7 September 2021 at 7:53 pm #58866
My ex and I have been separated for about 4 years now and my daughter has been with me full time (her dad has been around but hasn’t seen her often). I have to move away for work and she was going to come with me but she has recently said she no longer wants to and wants to live full time with her dad. She’s 14.
I’m struggling with this as I’ve always been her main carer. Even when I was with her dad he was never fully present and I did everything.
Are there any other mums out there that have been through this? I’ll see her weekends and school holidays but it isn’t sitting right for me. I feel like I’d be abandoning her.7 September 2021 at 9:43 pm #58872
Hi I went through a similar situation with my eldest daughter when she was 12 she went to her dad for a visit and came back 2 years later she didn’t get on with her step dad who was very loving and caring with her and my son when they were primary age the shock of knowing she wasn’t coming home had a big impact on my mental health and I had 3 younger children to look after .She decided to come back when she was 14 going on 15 now she is 26 and we have a great relationship she hardly sees her dad and has found out the hard way who loves her and is there for her all you can do is respect your daughters wishes and give her lots of love and support have a heart to heart about how you both feel communication is the best way forward you are her mum at the end of the day and only want the best for her let her know that I hope you can sort this out together x7 September 2021 at 10:15 pm #58875
daddy has probably promised to give her the “freedom” she desperately wants? My 8yr old once told me he wanted to live with daddy only because I’m strict and do what’s in his best interest. I explained to him the benefits of living with mummy or daddy. I’m not saying mums are the best parents but obviously if daddy isn’t that involved I see no point in them having the child as the main carers. Explain to your daughter what it means to live with daddy as a young lady. You wouldn’t want your little girl coming back to you after she’s been spoilt rotten.9 September 2021 at 6:56 am #58943
Thank you for your replies. I do have a feeling he has promised things. He earns more than me and buys her love as he doesn’t see her often. For now I will go along with it if that’s what she truly wants but will let her know I am always here and she can come home whenever she likes.
I just wanted to add that I have nothing wrong with dad’s raising children on their own but in this case it has always been the two of us so I’m not handling it well.9 September 2021 at 10:55 am #58951
hi don’t be so hard on yourself it’s natural to feel like you do when my daughter left I became ill for a while I think it was a shock I didn’t see it coming.My relationship with her farther wasn’t good he abused me mentally and was a pathological liar he had been arrested for dealing drugs the 2 years my daughter spent with him we’re terrible his girlfriend was nasty to my daughter but she still stayed for 2 and a half years her dad got a court order so I couldn’t contact her he said that’s what she wanted it was a very difficult time in my life now she is 26 has a great job and is happy our relationship is lovely she has found out the hard way that I only had her best interest at heart and she hardly sees her dad and prefers to keep her distance why don’t you get some support for you maybe therapy it will make you stronger and see things in a different perspective it helped me at the time you have to take care of yourself no one else will do it for you x