Daughter hates my partner and little brother

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  • #35602 Report


    <span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; background-color: #fbfbfb;”>Hi all needs some help and i hope at least someone on here can because I have no idea what to do. Ok so I have a 10 year old daughter that i believe hates my partner and now her little brother who is 6months old. Me and partner have been together for 3 years this August coming and my daughter has known her for nearly the full duration of our relationship and they got on great at the start. Then she just changed abour a year half ago. so she trys to start arguments and she gives cheek and slams doors and when our sons asleep she deliberately shouts and screams and when me or my partner say shhh your brothers sleeping she simply says so. Whats he even crying for???? ohhh that noise is doing my head right in can you not just gee him his stupid dummy to shut him up. She has now started making stuff up about my partner and tell the school such as she starve her and that my partner screams in her face till she cries and that she hates her and wishes she was dead. The school phone me concerned and ask if this is true.  She is going to get my partner into serious trouble with the lies she tells and me and my partner are close to splitting up because of this. my daughter openly says she hates her and her brother I dont understand what’s changed. We considered ok new baby jealousy mibi but it started before my partner fell pregnant so it cant be that. We planned to get married this year but it’s on hold till we sorted out once and for all what’s going on. Can anyone help. Martin</span>

    #35604 Report


    Does she live with you?

    Is Mum still around? Is she seeing anyone? Do you get on? What does she say about it?

    Has her behaviour changed anywhere else or just at yours?

    What is the consequence for her behaving like this?

    I hated my dads girlfriend from about the same age,  my mum had died 2 years earlier and I felt my dad had moved on and was replacing her which I couldn’t do. In short I missed my mum and blamed her because my dad didn’t seem to miss her anymore. But at the time I couldn’t see that and genuinely believed she was the devil.

    My little brother being born really messed me up but I became withdrawn and stopped engaging with them as I felt totally pushed out of my dad’s life by his arrival.  I stopped hating her as I got older.

    But I would have expected my dad to go nuclear if I’d screamed, shouted and told lies. My stereo and tv would have been out of my room before I could blink and that stopped me doing it. What do you do when she acts out?


    #35610 Report


    Hello Martin

    I haven’t been in this situation but I know of someone who has been .  In the end the child moved back with the mother although she wasn’t a fit parent in the first place and smoked weed.

    The school and social services were involved because this child became aggressive to the partner who also had a young baby . They were unable to leave the children in the same room in case the older one became violent. Since the child has moved back with the mother the child is more settled and does not want Togo back with the father . I personally think it’s female jealousy especially as she no longer has your attention because you have a new partner and family plus she’s 10 so also hormonal changes to the body too.

    #35617 Report


    So about 2 nd half years ago when your child was approx 7 nd half a new lady came into her life and now she has a little brother so lots have changed for her over a couple of years. I’m going to take it that after a year of your new relationship started your child started getting cheeky and tries to assert herself, slamming doors and carrying on in a way that’s not ok.

    I trust you tried to manage all these changes for your child in a positive fashion?

    The thing I always did when my children crossed the line (slamming doors type of behaviour) was to put in place negative consequences that they really didn’t like, actions that stung them and they really didn’t want to happen. My eldest son loved playing on the mega drive (showing my age now) so banning that for a while would have really worked with him rather than saying ‘no spending money this week’. These are just examples and you have to use what you know will work as a negative consequence to unacceptable behaviour that needs changing.

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