Daughter doesn’t want to see her dad
13 January 2020 at 10:41 pm #35482
I have 2 children (9 and 7) who see their dad every other weekend as set out in a child arrangements order which has been in place for about 2 years. I left because of DV which continued after I left – the children witnessed some of this. Recently my eldest is becoming reluctant to go to her dads and tonight has said she doesn’t want to see him anymore and that she’s scared of him. We’ve had a talk about why she feels scared and she said it’s because he hurt me and she couldn’t protect me, the way he speaks to his current partner – apparently he shouts at her a lot and this scares my daughter. Both children always come home telling me their dad has been bad mouthing me and my family and it really upsets them. She also mentioned an incident from about a year ago when he came to pick them up drunk. I refused to let them go with him so he tried snatching her from me.
All this was reported to the police and my solicitor. The advice I was given is that although his behaviour was unacceptable it wasn’t bad enough for the court to stop the contact order so would be pointless going back to court.
Despite what he has done I’m always very positive about him to my children and try to encourage a good relationship with their dad. But it’s getting to the point where this is really affecting my child’s mental health. SS won’t get involved, solicitors say the courts won’t overturn their decision so there’s no point taking the case back to court. I just don’t know what to do. She’s begging me not to send her next weekend but if I don’t their dad will take me back to court for breaking the contact order.
Their dad really isn’t the type to sit down and have a civil conversation. He becomes angry and aggressive,so discussing it with him isn’t an option.
I just don’t know what to do.13 January 2020 at 11:08 pm #35485
I wouldn’t be discussing this face to face with him but thru an email. If it does end up back in court you will need to be seen to be doing everything you can poss do to maintain some contact even if you don’t succeed in maintaining contact between your eldest and dad. How would your eldest feel about having a little less time with dad such as not overnight (if the children are having overnight) just a couple of hours maybe and back home for bedtime? If she says yes to this put it in an email to dad, this will show you are trying to maintain contact regardless of what dad comes back with.
If it does end up with a broken contact agreement, don’t worry about it if dad takes you to court. Your not the one breaking the agreement, it is your child breaking the agreement. You can comfortably and confidently say you have done your very best to maintain contact at the level your child can deal with. No one but no one can force a child to go to spend time with someone they do not want to be with in this situation. I have broken a contact order in the past, I was taken back to court by my ex and the judge understood fully why I didn’t send my son for the overnights that were in the contact order, he came down on the side of my child not my ex. Nor did he insist that I force my child to have overnight. It isn’t all as black nd white when it comes to children and court orders.