Dads who don’t see their kids

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  • #56047 Report

    Combatfos
    Participant

    Hi all, I’m looking to hear from mother’s who’s exs don’t see their children and how you deal with it.
    I split in 2015, kids were seeing him every Saturday overnight until 2018 when I met my new partner . From the moment he knew he was with someone else he harassed and stalked me, keyed my partners car. Anyway after keeping a log of all the stalking and several arrests he was finally given a lifetime restraining order to stay away from me but not the children. He’s made no attempt to see them in 3 years. My eldest is 14 and doesn’t say a lot but can tell he’s angry with him. My younger two 8&11 are upset , the 8 year old more so who cries often about it and has photos of him that she cries at. I just don’t understand how he sleeps at night missing out on so much and not knowing how they are !

    #56115 Report

    Lawren_1
    Participant

    I literally have to force my sons father to see my son but I think it’s very important that children have a relationship with both parents. I think you should reach out to your ex or get someone to reach out to him (I.e your parents) and arrange for him to see the kids without seeing you. So that might mean dropping them off at a family members house. If that goes well then put in place a more formal arrangement but start small maybe once a fortnight for a few hours. Then slowly increase visits to once a week when your ex starts to be more consistent. Never tell the kids the truth about the dads being a deadbeat. Blame it on his job,  being out of the country etc. They don’t deserve the emotional trauma. As parents we should be the only one bearing the emotional part. For the kids, ignorance is bliss. Never let him make plans with the kids just in case he doesn’t follow through which in turn will cause disappointment for your kids. Even when it comes to your kids seeing your ex always only tell them on the day of the visit just in case your ex flakes on them.

    #56119 Report

    naomi1983
    Participant

    I have been a single mother for 10 years. I have 4 children (10,8,5,2)

    My eldest two have the same dad and the younger two have the same dad. Both fathers do not see their children, nor do they call them. Disgusting behavior. They never call to see if they need anything or just a general how is school etc? I do everything whilst trying to study for a degree. I do not force them to see their children, it is clear there is no love and no relationship at all. I have always left the door open and they can see their children anytime. I’ve had to take both fathers to CSA in regard to financially supporting their children.

    #56125 Report

    Lorna
    Participant

    This sounds similar to me and my 2 kids and their dad unfortunately he doesn’t bother also he lives in same area and I have never stopped contact I believe it is my kids choice my eldest is my son who is 14 and my daughter 10 and as harsh as it sounds I’ve just literally had to let kids be letdown and see with there own eyes and mind that it’s their dad and his choice  I never wanted this for kids at all but stalking domestic violence ect ect is my past nd there dad is 38yrs old and never had the mental age of 38 he’s spoilt and selfish and shows in his actions when it comes to his kids and now  kids know what he’s about and I think it is awful for them but all I do as a mam is be honest show them that I couldn’t. Live without them and just be the mam ya can be and in time kids have there own mind and know what the truth unfortunately is my boy is 14 and he’s more mature than his own father I am proud of my 2 kids we don’t want to force a grown up to spend time with there responsibility ie their kids it should be normal to them to want to c them and even easier when a mam let’s them c there dad I’ve just learned that basically he’s a bad father and no idea on being a adult and responsibilities more fool him but just keep being a mam and time will tell and your kids will see for real what dad is all about…… Shame on him shame on all dad’s that don’t bother with their kids and a big shout out to all the mams that have never stopped access…. Its like they want us to stop access and then they can tell ppl how awful WE are  it’s all to do with them wanting to get to us  the exes that’s it they want the control I think but honestly my advise is. Yawn and ignore but I would force any adult to see there own kids offer is there it’s open if he’s a man nd really wants to c his kids then he will jump at the chance.. No way would I force him knowing he is able to anyways but chooses not to he wants you to force him it’s more communication with you nd that’s what he wants…. Good luck ❤️❤️❤️

    #56126 Report

    Combatfos
    Participant

    Thanks for all the replies. I’ve never bad mouthed him, they know nothing what he’s done I just say he’s busy with work or not well. My daughter questions all the time “ why didn’t he come for me on that Saturday” she remembers it so well as they had a routine. It breaks my heart hearing her hurting so much .

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