Dad wont give son space

[Laney1975.2009@googlemail.com]

My 13 years old sons dad let him down recently and now he dosnt want to talk to dad because he wants space to sort out his feelings. His dad is using guilt trips and blocking his pocket money bank card and getting angry with my son for not talking to him.

His dad didnt see him for 5 weeks and used covid as excuse- even although restrictions said he could meet his son. After this he arranged to meet my son but let him down and went on the drink instead and didnt contact him for 5 days.  That was a month ago. This has been a pattern through my sons life. His dad also moved to a country for 4 years and my son missed him greatly. His dad is back in this country now.

 

My son is getting very anxious about this recent situation and clamming up and saying he is not ready to talk to him and is ignoring his calls which is leaving his dad angry.

 

I have told my son its not his fault and Im here for him if he wants to talk about it. I have also got advice from local parenting charity as I am concernd because of the history of male suicides in his dads family. I have suggested counselling to my son but he does not want that.

 

This weekend his father turned up unannounced at the front door and parked his car down the street as if to catch my son unaware. My son was out with his friends. His dad got angry demanded to know wher he was and said this no talking had to stop its gone on took long. I told his dad my son is acting like this because of his behaviour. But his dad doesnt seem to understand or accept that he is responsible for this and wont accept my sons need for space.

I support my son on this 100% but the situation is becomming stressful for my son and I because of his dads anger.

 

Any advice is welcome. Thanks

 

[Wivanay79]

Hi there

Not really advice as such, my lads only three so can’t really relate age wise, but you’re doing the right thing. It sounds like your sons got a good head on his shoulders, and sounds very emotionally aware, that can only be a good thing.

It’s really difficult when the other person can’t see how their behaviour is the direct cause for someone else’s reaction. Sticking the head in the sand, or narcissist springs to mind.

I think your sons doing the right thing, and hopefully he will find the strength to voice his opinion to his father in his own time. If your ex just continues to try to force the issue, he will alienate him even further if he’s not careful.

Maybe his dad will see his part in it one day, and reflect on how his absences have impacted on their relationship at some point, I know that doesn’t help right now though.

Take care

[warwickshire1]

You should text him and say giving his son his pocket money what he normally gets would be a good start

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