Dad seeks dads/mums in Staines area/10 mile radius for mutual emotional support

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  • #10804 Report

    Stewart67
    Participant

    Hi everyone.

    I’m currently going through a separation with my wife, and wondered if anyone would see the benefit mutually supportive conversations, email\or phone, perhaps even meet over coffee\tea in the Staines or local area.

    She’s having an affair and has already moved on, I am finding the loneliness one of the difficult things to deal with, as well as talking to family and friends who are very supportive but don’t have the same level of empathy as they are not going through or have not been through the same situation.

    Please let me know if this could be a good support mechanism for you too. If you are further away please get in contact It may just mean email/phone calls only.

    #10821 Report

    H
    Participant

    Hi I’m not near you but same thing happened to me I was with my now ex husband for 15 years married almost 11 of them and in this time he had 2 affairs that I know of! He walked out Feb 2017 and I was divorced by December 2017 on adultery he still with the girl he cheated on me the second time for but yes it is likely at times but I can actually say I’m glad and happy that he left the second time as I no longer have to put up with the lies and hurt and secrets etc.

    #10822 Report

    H
    Participant

    Lonely not likely I meant sorry

    #10824 Report

    Stewart67
    Participant

    Hi H nice to get a message from you.

    thats the thing with the affair she said she only started seeing him in December and sleeping with him in January, but I found a valentine card she bought him… she told her mum it’s not serious…. serious enough to throw 13 years down the toilet.

    too many lies.

    how did you cope after you found out about the affair?

    #10828 Report

    H
    Participant

    The first one he had was alot harder as my now 8 year old was only 7 months old when I found out about that one. That one was a lot more devastating as he said had been going on for 6 months so think of it that way I had a tiny innocent baby that I was caring for on my own most of the time with a 4 year old too I thought he was out working hard to support us doing long hours no he was sneaking around with her  one day  I was tidying up upstairs and I put his deodorant in his bed side cabinet and there were condom wrappers not even hidden but couldn’t even remember the last time we had had sex I went mental but then fell to the floor and he was sweating and she phoned his phone and I said answer it and he said no we need to talk I said answer it and tell her if your going with her or choosing me and your family he did and he said sorry my wife knows and I’m not throwing it all away she screamed at him and said put your wife on the phone I need to apologise and he’s that stupid he did it and she told me every last detail the worst place being our bed after he had put our baby to sleep on the sofa downstairs now how do you get over that I was disgusted and i chucked him out but stupidly looking back now for not long enough he was back home quickly and we slept in separate rooms for a while we restarted our relationship and things did improve for another 7 years but we still had hard times on and off we stayed together but I can’t say 100% you ever fully trust them again if he was late home I worried he was always secretive with his phone I don’t think he gave his all second time round I suffered from depression and anxiety and he knew I was gaulable and would stay whatever. Then Feb last 2017 it was half term we had a good week with the kids on the Friday he just changed everything I did or said he fished for an argument early hours of the morning we had a massive row Saturday morning I got I can’t do this no more I don’t love you anymore I like someone else he got a text which I’m guessing was from her and said I like someone else and I’m going and he did he said are you not going to even try and make me stay and I said no I’ve done that once before and u have done it all again I’m worth more than that. The first few months I couldn’t sleep properly  I’d cry all the time I lost loads of weight I couldn’t concentrate on anything then I thought to myself I have 2 gorgeous boys I need to give them the best life I can I printed the divorce papers and because he admitted it it took 4-5 months when that was complete I felt as though I had my life back and I could be happy again and most of the time I am I do feel lonely sometimes and if I’m not doing anything on the weekend he has them it’s easy to sit and feel sorry for myself but I see it now as if he could do it twice he’s not worth it and won’t change so I’m better off without him it has made me so much stronger and I do things now without even thinking or worrying like I did when I was with him so is making my life alot better now.

    Are you completely over or would u take her back?

    #10831 Report

    Stewart67
    Participant

    Hi there H thanks forgetting back to me.  Thank you for sharing that with me, it must’ve been horrible time and very painful so it was very kind of you to open up some old wounds.

    Is your name Helen by any chance, the H? Just that is the name of my wife!

    On the question of would I have her back I don’t really think it’s an option, she has moved on, in her head she is just treats me with utter contempt and she has not just had an affair but falling in love with this guy I believe, and the way she is treated me and the things she’s done that had an impact on our little boy has really shocked me.

    She said she was going to tell him that she was going to stop seeing him but she wanted to remain in contact with him by phone and she couldn’t help this because he worked with her.

    I asked her not to contact you by phone but she said she wanted to stay in contact with him as he felt he was someone that she can talk to relate to. Three weeks later I found out she had slept with him again and stayed overnight, but in a bit of a callous way she made up some story so that I picked up a little boy in talking to swimming lessons which is something she always did because she never worked on a Wednesday. She said she was going to tell him that she was going to stop seeing him but she wanted to remain in contact with him by phone and she couldn’t help to see you because he worked with her.

    Anyway as it turned out I found her journal and some of them she was writing it about me and him was infatuated with him or did you love him how he made her feel she felt that he treated them all like it equal, that the connection was strong, and in the third no to her book she said that she didn’t feel guilty, she was going to say sorry to me, and that she wasn’t sad about it.

    So I’m trying to build my life it’s still very early, but to save face with her friends and family she’s talking about us going to see relate saying that she’s just moving out temporarily because she needs time and space etc.  She has the night to everyone that this guy is important and she saying it’s not about being with me or being with him but they haven’t seen what she’s written they haven’t seen how she treated me and they haven’t seen or heard what she said and done.

    She even told her mum that this guy wasn’t serious, obviously serious enough to **** up our 13 year marriage .

     

     

    #10839 Report

    H
    Participant

    Yes my ex lied to his family too he told them they were just friends for divorce he admitted to sleeping with her but they believed him when he said the first time was after he had walked out on me 15 years and apparantely u can walk out because he just liked her total bulls***t he was with her and when I did ask him face to face he did the same as what he did first time went red started sweating and started shouting at me saying it was all in my head. You see there true colours when they leave that’s for sure he has told his gf that I trapped him into having our children and they wasn’t planned but both of them were 100% planned but obviously made him feel good, I’ve also been threatened with court for apparantely taking advantage of him for asking for him to have our boys on 1 day of the Easter holiday so I could work and I’ve been accused of neglect and going to see bad moms at the cinema as I am one and being jealous of his gf and how she’s so much more of a woman and lots more he’s a right a**ehole and now I have nothing to do with him because of all the threats and abuse. No my name isn’t Helen it’s Hayley

    #10844 Report

    Adam_1982
    Participant

    I’ve been through a similar experience and unfortunately you can believe nothing you are told. It is a terrible ordeal to go through when someone betrays your trust. I still have bad days but I think what helps me is to think any affair / betrayal is a symptom not the cause. So there were issues, especially in my relationship that I only really saw with the benefit of hindsight. And also, the person who betrays is perhaps a flawed individual also. So their actions are on them, not you. But as I say, I think you have to reflect on the relationship, think what you could do better in future, be grateful for the good times and lessons learned and the gift of your child. That’s it really. It sounds very simple but incredibly hard. But I realise for me there will be no closure talk, the relationship is done and was a particular period of life. Currently in a limbo land now awaiting divorce and house sale to go through in next week or so and unclear what lies ahead and how to find a clear direction forward. But forward is the only way not back and I can only take the lessons forward. I need to hit the reset button and think what was good, what was bad and what do I want in future. It’s a roller-coaster but I’ll get there one day. Take it easy and focus on yourself and your child. Anything else is outside your control so nothing you can do about your wife’s actions so you can’t let that consume you. Hopefully some of that relates and helps. My 2 year old son is trying to jump on me on the sofa so apologies for any typos haha.

    #10849 Report

    Stewart67
    Participant

    Hi Hayley, I’m sorry to hear that.

    My wife is being OK to be fair, I think that now she is out –  it was me that asked her to leave, so didn’t want to go, she is relieved.

    One of our friends popped around this morning and said he reconds the affair was not the issue with the marriage as she has carried on being herself, so he thinks she was probably unhappy but never said anything. So the lies and the betrayal were more of a catalyst to end the marriage.

    such a shame she had to do it like this if she had only spoken to me when she started to become unhappy. And it just makes me wonder how long she was unhappy – she told me 2 years – and makes me feel stupid that we had done so many things together and seemed so close. This just hit me out of the blue.

     

    it’s killed me.

    #13419 Report

    Doddles
    Participant

    It’s heartbreaking when a marriage breaks down but I think it’s worse when you find out that you partner has lied to you and been seeing someone else behind your back.I seem to have wasted many many yrs on lieing men.I was married for 13 yrs and my husband walked out on me for another woman leaving me with a 4yr old and a 14yr old back many yrs ago they are 33 and 23 now,I thought I was going to die of a broken heart but after almost a yr i picked myself up and started to get my life back in order and met a new partner who I was with for 14yrs and and had a son who is now 12,We moved to Guildford and was away from all family and friends and couldn’t live with my then partner anymore,he was never there to help me in anyway and constantly lieing etc so I asked him to leave.Moved to Staines in 2014 and met a new guy and two mths ago I found out he had been chatting,meeting other woman behind my back so here I am again single and my anxiety is hitting the roof and me and my 12 son are going to Spain for a wk on Thursday our 1st holiday on our own hope it all goes to plan because I don’t think I could cope with anymore crap in my life.Lets hope your life as a single parent just gets better and better as I sure hope mine does 👍

    #13423 Report

    ourproject
    Participant

    Hey Stewart,

    I’d be up for meeting. I am a full time dad to a 2 year old princess ! My marriage also ended due to an affair she had. She was 25 at the time and he was 58! So probably could compare battle scars over a coffee 😁

    #13424 Report

    ourproject
    Participant

    Hey Stewart,

    I’d be up for meeting. I am a full time dad to a 2 year old princess ! My marriage also ended due to an affair she had. She was 25 at the time and he was 58! So probably could compare battle scars over a coffee 😁

    send me a private message with your number etc .

    #13429 Report

    Doddles
    Participant

    I’m also up for single parent chats and coffee would be great to get a few of us all together in the same area.

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)

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