Dad of two who’s wife has been having an affair

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  • #44857 Report

    Separateddadof2
    Participant

    I found out my wife has been having an affair since 2018 with a work colleague. She has left the house to be with him and I have the children 12 & 4 . I’m obviously devastated but not sure where I stand if she want to take my children . She’s not been in contact with my son at all but text my daughter. I have been working away and have found out she was not coming home after work on Thursdays until Sunday for a long period before lock down . We had an au pair.

    she’s now gone off with him again.

    no contact.

    #44859 Report

    Ilya
    Participant

    You need to apply for a child arrangements order as soon as possible if you worry she may take the children, and perhaps and emergency prohibited steps order if you feel there is a risk she will take them from you. It’s hard whilst all emotions are still raw. Can you contact her and ask about child arrangements, try to get something agreed without the need for court?

    #44862 Report

    Separateddadof2
    Participant

    Thanks I’ll look into that can’t lose my kids , I have heard she wants to move them 150 Miles  away from me but they have just started school , can I oppose that?

    #44864 Report

    Separateddadof2
    Participant

    I have never raised a hand to my wife or kids but people keep telling me she has more rights than me??

    #44865 Report

    Ilya
    Participant

    So I’m trying to move less than 50 miles away and it’s a struggle, and that is with me ensuring contact remains the same for their father. If you have reasonable suspicions shes moving them you need a prohibited steps order immediately. The resident parent, or the parent with whom the children live with the most, has the right to move anywhere within the UK without permission from the other parent, however the other parent has the right to try and stop this. If she moves and then you apply to court you have a much bigger up hill struggle. To move, the parent must show the court that the motives are not to create disruptions with contact for the other parent (although the contact arrangements may change), that the move is in the child’s best interest, that the move is well planned out (schools, jobs, housing, support networks) and that using the child welfare checklist they are the best parent to provide for their children and the move will improve the child’s quality of life. For the ‘left-behind’ parent they need to prove their motivations in refusing the move are in the children’s best interest, not an attempt to thwart the other parent, they must also show why it is the children’s best interest not to move. The children themselves have a voice in this depending on age and maturity.

    It’s not true that mother have more rights, you both have equal rights if you both have parental responsibility, just as you have as much of a right to move within the UK. The legal side of things is not concerned with where either of you live, but where the children love. They are unlikely to refuse the resident parent the right to move, as long as contact is ensured. You are currently the parent with the children, but to be afforded the ‘resident parent’ status you need to have a ‘lives with’ order in place.

    If she is insisting on moving, and you have the children as you do now, but she applies to take them with you, your efforts need to go into writing down why the children are settled where they are and how you would facilitate contact for her if she moves – therefor showing the court that you are keen to co-parent. You can google the child welfare checklist and make points on that, but be wary of trashing the other parent as this does not look good in court.

    Your first port of call should really be the prohibited steps order to prevent her from taking the children and not returning them, or taking them and moving them away. That then gives you some protection whilst you finalize the child arrangement order which does take time, as CAFCASS will have to be involved. Once you have a prohibited steps order, she will have to apply for a specific issue order to relocate the children, and from someone going through it over a 50 minute drive, it’s expensive and time consuming.

    Do give yourself some time, this is all very raw and there’s so many fears, the prohibited steps order will give you time for proper arrangements to be made.

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