Dad of two saying hello – Currently Separating

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This topic contains 40 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  MarkHB 1 day, 10 hours ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 41 total)
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  • #23525 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    I can totally see that and thank you for being so candid.

    It is totally understandable given the circumstances. Essentially she has done that under the same roof because to her once we are separated she can do what she likes.

    Only we’re not. We’re still sharing all the chores and household functions and taking trips for the children.

    I want her to go frankly and it is insulting and degrading but my only care right now is for the children. I know I am a good person who doesn’t deserve this so  when the dust settles she will be the one who looks bad sadly.

    I hope to get passed this and is have an amicable relationship but I’m no fool and will get tough at the right moment.

    But thank you.

    #23581 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    Well, she’s definitely sleeping with the guy shes being going on dates with.

    Spent today speaking to my financial adviser and I have solicitors appointment on Wednesday so on Monday 29th April I can call her on selling the house, childcare arrangements and divorce.

    I have also contacted mediation services as I believe that when faced with reality things are going to come unglued.

    I’m crushed that she has done this to me and yet acts like there’s nothing wrong.

     

    #23631 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Hi Mark.

    It’s so painful when you find out. But from personal experience it helped me as it gave me a reason, and also it meant I would never go back there. I hope you get something positive out of it.

    aounds like you have a plan of action and that will help you stay focused. Keep us updated and good luck with it all x

    #23632 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    Thanks SingleT,

    It has been painful but with the morning comes clarity.

    I channeled a lot of my negative yesterday into getting myself a plan and making sure that I am the one who drags us through this, even if it means delivering the situation I don’t want.

    It’s frustrating as one minute she’s off out acting single and the next minute acting like we’re a family and everything is fine.

    We found out my little boy’s school this morning and she was talking about being worried that the school won’t take his sister (an event about 3.5 years away and when I pointed out to her that we don’t know where any of us will be in 3.5 years she got angry and gave me the cold shoulder.

    Then an hour ago she started messaging me about our girl’s first birthday we have arranged about things we need to do and then sent a job description for applying for working at the very school our son is going to because it ‘will sort our childcare issues’ despite being a huge drop in salary and part time.

    Something that would be fine if we had a future together, but according to her we don’t and no matter what she is in a relationship with someone else.

    Crazy.

    Mx

     

    #23787 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    Positive week despite it all starting off horribly.

    Got all my financial proposals and conclusions vetted and checked out as sound.
    Got my childcare proposals all vetted for fairness.
    Got my/our financial adviser’s sign off and recommendations.
    Spoke to mediation services about the next steps so know where that stands.

    Saw an independent solicitor for my half hour free advice, which having already spoken to one on the phone meant that between the plans I have made and learning from the previous conversation meant I was able to maximise my time, understand my rights and entitlements and have a length discussion about the divorce process we could go down, how to use mediation and what happens if mediation fails.

    I have written a heart felt, open and kind letter to my wife expressing my desire to enact this separation if she has no desire to continue as husband and wife and for her to consider her future hopes for living arrangements, financial future, childcare arrangements and of course divorce.

    Today is my last day at work for 10 days and we have a family holiday to encompass my daughters first birthday, Easter, time off, her birthday and a few day trips.
    I intend to be nothing but happy, calm and enjoy the time with my family and my children, even make sure she has a nice birthday and show her that I am the kind, warm hearted person I have always been.

    And then Monday 29th April this gets real and the time for her to have her cake and eat it ends.

    I’m in a good place surprisingly, taking charge of my life again.
    I fully expect a dreadful May, but I am prepared for it and know that there is very little she can do now apart from make herself look bad.

    #23818 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Wowzer! You have been busy. All sounds positive in terms of knowing what to do next. I definitely thinking being in control of the situation helps.

    I’m using this week while my son is on holiday with his dad and gf to recharge my batteries as from next week it will be full on solicitors and stuff for the house sale.

    I hope you manage to enjoy this time with your children.  If you feel your positive pants slipping just come back on here x

    #23837 Report

    Iand
    Participant

    Hi Mark,

    I dealt with a similar situation a few years ago. Trust me when a person behaves like that they too immature or selfish to care about looking bad. You are doing all the right things, so good on you.

    #23843 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    Thank you.

    Its is just a shame when that person was your favourite person in the world and they become something ugly and unrecognisable.

    Still it’s done me a favour.

    #23844 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    Good click SingleT – hope you get the rest and the following business goes as easily as it can.

    Mx

    #23882 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Thx Mark

    After a cry when he went, I’ve had a brilliant week spent with people I love doing fun things. It’s felt weird not having to think of anyone but myself, but it’s done me the world of good. Now I’m ready to get my boy back and get the next chapter sorted.

    T x

    #23896 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    In some ways I can’t wait for that chance.

    I’ll miss the hell out of my two but to be away from my wife and out of this situation will be such a relief.

    My little girl’s birthday today and for our son we have filmed him coming down the stairs into tee living room with all his presents each year.

    Had a bad night with my daughter and I was sleeping downstairs with her already.

    My wife said ‘It’s a shame we now don’t have a video of her’.

    This is a woman who has erased me from her Facebook page and cut me out of the video where I am playing with our daughter so she can upload it to Instagram.

    When I said ‘what would you have done with it anyway?’ She asked if I was feeling okay this morning.

    Like I say, the woman has a

    split personality…

    Mx

    #23897 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    Oh and good luck – go get him! Mx

    #23900 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    My brother once gave me some sound advice about my mother in law. Kill her with kindness. It was brilliant as it showed her up for who she is and no one could ever come back and say yeah but she did that because you did such and such. I now do the same with my ex. It drives him mad as he expected me to kick off when I found out he’d had an affair and then he could have said see that’s why I left her. It’s quite easy to stay calm as my son is a lot older so I don’t want him to see that side. That’s what my best friends are for. I’ve text my son to say that if he moans about how many hugs I give him I’ll unplug his xbox lol.

    Enjoy your girl’s birthday. You’ve got this!

    T x

    #23910 Report

    Alan1
    Participant

    Hey if you have done more child care etc for 4 years and are being the responsible parent I would get as much proof of this as possible as it will only help you.

    check out the families need fathers website and the father for justice Facebook group a well.

    Families  need fathers have groups you can. Go to to get advice for free

    #23921 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    Just thought I would say hi, had a long week with DD on holiday with her best friend (she is disgusted he weather is better here than Majorca 😆) , though have filled with work & coffee with friends.. one more week to go, have never been apart for so long, roll on next Sat. Things do get easier with time & I am trying to take everything in my stride, the house I am buying has rising damp but am not letting that spoil the new start that me & DD have planned.

    Hope everyone is enjoying the ☺️

     

     

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