Dad isn’t involved, what do I do?

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  • #49695 Report

    Primrose2021
    Participant

    Hi,

     

    I’d really like some advice on the situation I’m in. My son is 3 years old, his dad lives in Malaysia (where he’s from) and hasn’t seen my son since he was 2 weeks old. He video calls less and less.. maybe once every few months now but when he does he expects my son to know who he is and call him dad. It was my son’s birthday last month and he called then. He didn’t know how to interact with him and my son just felt so awkward, he started grinding his teeth which he has NEVER done because he was nervous. I have always tried to encourage my son’s dad to let me know when he wants to call and be more involved and after this call in particular he said he missed him and felt like he has missed so much.. that was over a month ago and we haven’t heard from him since. He doesn’t pay anything and isn’t a particularly nice man but I am unsure what I should be doing so my son doesn’t feel awkward or confused. Does anyone have any advice for when we do hear from him every 3-6 months?! Should I be hounding him to be more involved?? His mum is the polar opposite, she also lives in Malaysia yet my son talks to her regularly, knows who she is and enjoys their chats. She also contributes what she can which has been massively appreciated. My son’s dad doesn’t like his mum but I think she’s incredibly kind and generous. My son isn’t lacking in male role models, that isn’t the issue, it’s that I just don’t want him to ever feel unloved or like I’ve done the wrong thing.

    Any advice would help. Or similar situations?

     

    Thanks x

    #49696 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    if he really loves his child he would make more effort with video calls. I know some dads who fly out a few times a year to spend time with their kids.

    #49733 Report

    EmJay
    Participant

    Stick with friendly grandma. Ditch the dad. Ask for financial supportif he wants to be involved. Bet  the calls stop pretty quick. Send letters and photos no direct contact. Until your child old enough to understand. You should never require a child to attach to someone who does not feel safe to them. Can do permanent damage.give him a chance to step up or out. Pretty sure I know which he will choose. A dad is not the biological incident. It’s the partner who co parents and is there for the school run, their health etc

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