Dad going through a divorce

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  • #41769 Report


    Hi all,

    So I’m new to this and thought I’d put my situation down and just get peoples thoughts…

    My wife decided to walk out on me just before the pandemic lockdown and she took my 2 year old daughter with her. For 2 months she refused access due to the virus, but i work from home and I’ve been self isolating.

    I’ve finally been allowed to see my daughter  but I get a lot of push back by my ex wife saying my daughter can’t deal with the change, even though when I’m with my daughter she is fine and at times wants to stay with me. During my second visit I get a message off my neighbour saying there’s a car on my drive. It was my ex wife’s twin sister who gained access without permission (only my names on the deeds) and she had gone through all my personal belongings and was ready to take all our marital possessions. I just can’t believe she used my daughter as bait just to get me out the house. I would understand if I refused, but I didn’t and told her she could collect her things anytime.

    I currently pay £300 a month maintenance, £100 more than what was recommended i should pay. My ex wife is also expecting me to pay an addition £400 towards full time nursery fees as well as the £300 maintenance. We have agreed i have her Tuesday night and alternate weekends. So I have her 2-3 days a week. Should I pay her the extra?

    She is currently living rent free with her sister as well while I’m covering all the bills and outgoings.

    I have also let her use the family car to get about. I’m currently using my step fathers car while we finalise finances.

    The family home was inherited from my grandfather and there isn’t any mortgage. She lived here for 5 years and I never asked my wife for rent or costs to live here, i just askrd she helps with utility bills. MY ex wife did however contribute towards renovations, but I’m worried she will try and take half the house off me. I’m happy to give her a certain amount and the amount is way more than what she contributed. I suppose my question is will she be entitled to half my inherited home. Please note that the amount I have in mind would be enough to put a deposit on a small home and furnish it.

    Thanks for your time.

    #41883 Report


    Hi I didn’t want to read and run. Your situation sounds terrible and I feel for you. I think you probably need to seek legal advice to see were you stand. Stay strong and that’s what I’m trying to do at the moment but not really succeeding.


    #41891 Report


    Wow.  Sorry you are going through this, maybe when things get a little bit more normal then you could both try mediation? I certainly feel for you as my ex partner is being completely fair and open minded so I only have the guilt and worry of how things will be to contend with, I can’t imagine how hard it must be when you and your ex are in disagreement too. Best of luck.

    #41918 Report


    She will be entitled to a share of the house.  It was the family home and she contributed to it this will all be battled out in the financial settlement.  In my case even though we bought my mum’s house for £100k less than it was worth and i lived there for less than 2 years when his behaviour forced me and my 4 children to leave it was deemed he was entitled to a 41% share of the equity amounting to £41k.  He also kept all of the furniture.  It has taken me 5 years of court to get the house sold and now i just have to get him out so the new owners can get in, he’s a controlling nightmare.  With regards to the car if it is a family car she is also entitled to that as much as you are and you may have to buy her out to keep it or vice versa, something else which will have to be sorted out during the course of the financial settlement hearing.

    I would definitely get the maintenance sorted so you are paying the correct amount i had to go through the cms eventually to stop him changing the amount he wanted to pay when it suited him.  She will probably be claiming a childcare allowance from tax credit or universal credit which will cover a proportion of the childcare.  I think if you offer to split the difference on the amount which isn’t covered it will be more than fair.

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