Dad doesn’t wanna see kids cz he’s struggling
17 December 2020 at 8:42 pm #47025
Recently separated from ex, two kids age 4 and 7. I left the family home on November 13 th cz he refused to move out.
We’ve had lost and lots of arguments over a fair way to each see the kids. I’ve had lots of abuse hurled at me – I’m a cheat, I didn’t try, I obviously didn’t love him, I was fat and unattractive through our relationship, he’s going to take me to court until my parents run out of money to fund it, I’m a c**t cz I’ve bought the kids all the stuff they want for Christmas (I bought them the 4 things they’d both asked for as ex told me he couldn’t contribute at all this year, spent £100 on each child)….. I have genuinely tried to rise above it all so we could be amicable for the kids, I’ve tried to be gentle and head him out when he’s struggling cz I know deep down he wants me back. I haven’t once retaliated and thrown abuse at him.
Now he’s decided tonight, he doesn’t wanna see the kids for the foreseeable, he says it too hard emotionally on them all. He says the kids cry when he picks them up (they don’t – my parents said they leave the house happily), he said they cry when they have to get ready to leave his house (they’re never crying when I pick them up). He said it’s not fair on them.
I told him that he’s their dad and they need to have time with him. But he’s refusing.
What do I do now??
I fear that if I go along with it, then in a few weeks he’ll be back to blaming me again. And he’ll say he missed out on weeks of time with them? I understand he’s a mess and it’s hard to function sometimes. I do, I was a mess the first few weeks but I’ve worked through the emotions and let myself cry.
I’m sorry it’s so long x18 December 2020 at 1:22 am #47028
Perhaps he’s refusing because he wants you to say come back. But what you should do is say you need to be a part of their lives as its important for them as it is for him. If he refuses after that then send him a child maintenance letter.18 December 2020 at 8:06 am #47031
Thanks for your reply.
Yes I think it is partly to do with him not accepting the relationship is over.
I did tell him several times that it’s important, for both him and the kids, to have time together. He just said it’s too hard emotionally.
Ironically, two weeks ago he was telling me he wanted them both every weekend.
I don’t want to go down the legal route and force him to have them as I think they’d pick up on it being unwanted time with him18 December 2020 at 11:21 am #47034
Unfortunately a family court cant make a dad see their children. If they choose not to then thats how it will remain. However with you recently splitting up emotions are raw and it is very difficult and upsetting and we are days away from a festive period. Hopefully if you give him some space perhaps he will come round and want to see children around xmas time. It may be next year that you would need to get an order with set days and times so it dont become a situation where you never know when he will or wont have children. Its like a rollercoaster when you first split up 🙁18 December 2020 at 5:03 pm #47049
Thank you Warwickshire, it certainly has been a rollercoaster. I think we are both at different stages of this: initially he was the one who called time on the relationship so I was upset, but now it’s me who doesn’t want to go back so now he’s upset.
I do hope that in a few days he realises he does actually want to see the kids, just because I don’t want to be in a relationship, it would still devastate me if he decided he doesn’t want to be in their lives. Theyve done nothing wrong22 December 2020 at 9:47 pm #47206
Hello I feel your pain here for your children , I have two gorgeous girls who’s dad has chosen in court not to have a relationship with them , nine years married until his head was turned by a younger mother of three , he’s playing happy families with her and hers and abandoned his own it’s hard work and challenging more so with the self doubt that clouds over you but time is a healer Iam 11 months post betrayal and slowly building my life again with my children always here to talk too x