Dad doesn’t seem interested

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  • #46734 Report

    Tali89
    Participant

    Hi all

     

    I have a  12 week old baby and her dad doesn’t seem interested in spending any time with her.

    My mum was my birth partner as I ended up having an emergency section and he couldn’t get out of work :/

    He let me struggle Home in a taxi after getting discharged from hospital and since we came home has been to see us 3 or 4 times and when he does visit he’s always clock watching as he has to be at work.

    He does give me some money even though we don’t have a formal arrangement. He usually just posts it through the door rather than knocking

    We recently ended our relationship and I told him to get in touch when he wanted to see our daughter and its been nearly a month now and nothing.

    Any advice as to how to move forward?

    Thanks 🙂

    #46737 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    it sounds like he’s going to need some encouragement and support in his transition to fatherhood. If he’s voluntarily contributing financially he’s clearly taking some responsibility though I’m guessing he’s possibly feeling slightly misplaced and lost, maybe disconnected from the situation. If you get along ok, then you may need to offer him some encouragement to spend time with you, he may look at you and see you’ve taken to motherhood like a duck to water and wonder where he fits in this picture. What can he add to your daughters life? Not knowing that is maybe what’s driving him away. It’s really important that you help him to develop a relationship with your daughter so she can have dad in her life in future years, as she will benefit. Are his family aware of the baby? Have they not sought any contact?
    Even just by going for a walk together, let him push the pram will help him accept his role gradually, it may also be useful from the perspective as we mums tend to become over protective of our offspring and struggle to hand them over once we’re used to doing 100%. He doesn’t have to move mountains, but he’ll need to learn where he fits in your picture

    #46758 Report

    Tali89
    Participant

    Greenfingers many thanks for your reply.

    Although our daughter is my first baby she is his third, albeit a bit of an age gap as his other girls are teenagers, so I’m not sure he is struggling with been a father, his other kids adore him.

    I’m not sure whether he has told his other girls about our daughter, the last time I asked him he hadn’t but I was still pregnant then.

    I’ve already told him its not about the money I just want him to be there for her and spend some time with her. I can’t force it. She has had some problems with her weight and I have tried my best to keep him in the loop with appointments and what advice I’ve received from our health visitor but even then he doesn’t really show any concern and it usually takes several days before I get a reply which usually consists of sorry I’ve been busy.

    I don’t see why I should have to remind him she exists cos it almost feels like she doesn’t matter in his world 🙁

    #46760 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Ah, that’s a slightly different slant on things. Then I guess he’s making his position pretty clear.
    All you can do is put the ball in his court and let him do with it what he will.

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