Court Order already in place, but father is being difficult
6 September 2021 at 2:49 pm #58799
So in May I was taken to court by my child’s father for visitation. Long story short in his statement he didn’t put down what he wanted going forward and the judges and I agreeed that for the first 6months he would see her for 4hours every Sunday, than 7hours every Sunday for another 6months and agreed that by the time she turns 3 he would be allowed to have overnight access every other week. Baring in mind I have never stopped him seeing my daughter. 4 months into the court order he is already asking for more time with her, and threatening me with court. So I said I will think about it and asked him what sort of times and days in has in mind, his response was that he doesn’t know just yet. He doesn’t support me that much financially with childcare costs even though we have CMS in place, but he can afford to pay rent, go to a expensive gym worth over £150, drive a cars, look after a dog etc… And he only pays £76.84 a month for my daughter and is depending more time with her. I want him to take more responsibility and help me out financially and work as a team to raise my daughter but I get this aniexty and try to avoid talking as much as possible. Like I said I dont have a problem with him being in my daughter’s life, but I believe his hate towards me is greater than the love he has for his daughter. My question: Do i agree to give him more time with our daughter or do I continue with the court order arrangements? Do I ask him to help me out more financially towards childcare costs ?6 September 2021 at 5:11 pm #58807
Attempting to balance lifeParticipant
Sorry to hear you’re going through all this!
I know it doesn’t sound like much from what child maintenance are giving you but I’ve learnt there’s not much we can do about it 😕 my sona father has only just began to pay more that 20 a month. Maybe come to the agreement that in the time he has her he has to provide the costs of care completely. For example buying nappies etc for the periods he has her. I would probably give him a little more time with her but I’d do it gradually. Maybe start with him picking her up an hour earlier so 5 hours on Sundays or something instead of 4. She’s still incredibly young slow and steady does it!!
Obviously this is all just what I’d do however you choose to is entirely down to you. You’re her mother and know her best. I hope you manage to work it out7 September 2021 at 1:40 am #58820
Sorry to hear he his putting you through this. Personally i think your instinct are right to question this. He seems like a bit of an arsehat 🙂 Doesn’t really sound like he has or is doing much to show he is a responsible parent or deserves more than the court order. Seems a bit ridiculous of him to of taken you to court, despite you not stopping him seeing your daughter, not even have an arrangement in mind, under pay maintenance while splashing out on himself (+ it’s probable even if he get the cheapest stuff, when insurance & vet stuff is factored, he’s likely spending more on the dog!) .. and then he wants to break his own court order & threaten you with court again… it doesn’t really sound like he has much respect & you’ve hit the nail on the head with him being more hateful towards you, than loving, kind considerate or responsible for his daughter! – he likely knows it’s affecting your mental health, how can he justify he is prioritising his daughter in that? Sounds like you are making a very wise call in minimal conversation. I wouldn’t give in, doesn’t sound like he’d improve in anyway or your daughter would benefit from this. As much as you are trying to enable him to have a relationship perhaps he’s more interested in possessing time than nurturing her needs.
Personally i think you have two healthy options… first one; I’ve seen the charity relate work wonders in situations like this; they can provide support for you both individually with counselling, which could perhaps help him understand his priority & parental responsibilities more fully. Relate can also offer mediation & support you with communicating to him. – if he refused this, it would be worth mentioning in court; as they might be more inclined to recognise he needs some sort of something up his backside to prioritise your daughter more than his wants or whims.
the other option is do nothing 🙂 he made his bed.. if he wants to shit in it … let him put himself through his own stupidity & take you to court – you haven’t done anything wrong, if he wants to make a mountain out of a mole hill, pointlessly waste money to re-arrange his own agreement he couldn’t be bothered to make… more fool him. A court would be interested to know why he wants more contact & the agreed is not sufficient, he’d need to evidence this & effectively; he’d be appealing a judges decision; which won’t put him in good stead. They’d likely laugh at him. Especially if he spends more on his dog than your child.
appreciate you want what’s best for your daughter, but i really don’t see how pandering or submitting to his whims would instil anything healthy & would worry this may give him an ‘in’ to continue to be difficult / justify not actually being responsible!
best of luck to you7 September 2021 at 10:57 am #58831
the courts can not agree everything for parents. they like to add that clause in the court order like: additional contact to be agreed between both parents. I would suggest to put the child first 100% and what is best for child. As child gets older, their needs will change and courts expect parents to be flexible and don’t want them to keep returning to court.