Court – Likely Access?

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    I’m just looking for a little advice on a potential situation of court, please.

    Child is 18 months old. Ex moved 70+ miles away, he is not on birth certificate, but does pay child support (directly not via system). He resents paying and I’ve said he doesn’t have to pay (I chose to leave him off BC over concerns with his mental health and don’t expect financial support) but I believe he fears (for whatever reason) I’ll go via CSA otherwise and it’ll cost him more.

    He had very little contact first year of child’s life. Visits recently started again outdoors in a public place, every other Sat for around an hour. Child sees ex as a stranger and there’s no relationship or bond. Child walks away from ex when he comes close and becomes visibly upset/agitated. Understandably, as there’s large gaps between visits and Ex only sees child for two hours a month. He’s not asked for or shown interest in more/longer time. There’s only been 4 or 5 visits so far. Ex recently didn’t turn up for a visit because he overslept.

    There’s a history of mental health issues, violence and alcohol abuse in Ex’s family. Although I’m unsure how much of it (if any) is officially documented. However, there’s evidence in the way of screenshots of ex conversing with me about all of the above

    So, my question is if a court order were in place for contact, could anyone advise what sort of contact and process would likely be granted, based on all of above?

    Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read and respond. Much appreciated.

    #56645 Report



    If court are satisfied ex is fit to be around with child, then they would like a up of contact, eventually having overnights with child, every other weekend. As he lives far away, it seems like he would only be having child every other weekend. I think his name should be on the birth certificate because he is the father, regardless of his health issues or if theres hostility between you both.

    #56648 Report


    Hi FlowerPower,

    You state dad is not on the birth certificate and would therefore not be granted access.  He could request DNA testing, but i’m sure you would have to consent.  Maybe look into this more officially as, as it stands, you would have the final say.

    Hope it all works out🌞

    #56660 Report


    Do you know approx. what sort of timeframe the gradual build up would be or do they review based on how the child is coping?
    My worries are that our child is extremely nervous and gets visibly upset around Ex and this is probably worsened due to Covid and being a lockdown baby. Our child hasn’t spent any time away from me/those I live with and I think it will take a long time to build up to unsupervised time, let alone overnights, without child being very distressed.

    The hostility between he and I doesn’t play a part in my decision to leave him off the BC. Every decision I make is based on keeping our child protected. I felt it most important he has a relationship with our child above all else. Which I’ve tried to encourage in the safest way possible. However, he seems more concerned about the BC than spending time with child.

    With ref to him not having PR, I believe he can apply for this and to be added to BC, through courts, even if it’s not something I approve of. I think we may have to attend a mediation session first though, before courts will consider the case?

    It’s so difficult, nobody gives you a handbook on these things. I just want to ensure our child isn’t under any unnecessary distress and is safe, but also has a meaningful relationship with my Ex.

    Thank you both for your responses.

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