13 January 2021 at 11:11 pm #48117
I’m looking for advice about a situation I’ve been in. Im a 25 year old dad. Im due to have the first court hearing in Feb which was delayed due to covid as i filed a c100 because the ex has blocked me and won’t allow me to see or speak to my daughter. Haven’t seen or contacted her since 2019. Here is the back story
Ex has claimed my girlfriends 6 year old has touched my daughter inappropriately and said I am not allowed to see her nor are my gf and her son. I know this was made up after an argument we had over text about me and my partner wanting to get a mortgage. Also the fact my daughter was 2 and was behind in the speech development. So it was impossible for her to have put that sentence together.
She let me have her a month after this for the weekend (around my gf and her son too) but when she found out I was going to be proposing to my now fiancé, she sent her brothers to pick my daughter up claiming i had kidnapped her (texts to prove handoff) and I have not seen her since. She did not raise this “touching” with social services or any health professionals or safeguard her correctly (because she knew she couldn’t back it up) she has also thrown many different reasons to why I can’t see her such as drug use, drug, dv (no police report) and has threatened if I turn up to her house she will call the police claiming I assaulted her.
Will they believe her or see straight through it with no official reports to back it up?
My questions are
What happens in the first court? I have a folder my fiancé help put together with chat history from a year before all this kicked off with proof with the threats and how she has lied and changed the reason to why I’m not allowed to see her and also her threatening to stop contact over money. And threatening my fiancé and her stating she will harm a 6 year old if she see’s him and also wishing death upon all 3 of us.
I know its not supposed to be about “the ex is this and that” but I know she’ll throw the dv out there and might have to go to a fact finding hearing and delay me seeing my daughter further. Who do i save this file for? The fact finding or cafcass? I know her family will lie and say whatever she says happened as it always happens in these situations when there is no evidence or anything. So really it is more to prove my innocence.
May I mention although she is accusing me of being a drug user, she was and still is a drug user class a and class b. We both used in our relationship (ashamed to admit while our daughter was in our care too) but I have been clean since we split up and offered to do a drug test to which she ignored. No doubt she will request a drugs test which I’m happy to do but can I request a drug test back too? Has anyone heard of such a horrible situation? Or been through this?
Is there hope for me? I will be self representing too as I’ve heard judges like that and I don’t have anything to hide.14 January 2021 at 8:13 am #48127
the first hearing will be short. it’s highly likely court will ask Cafcass to do a section 7 report. that will take a couple of weeks. cafcass will interview you, and will give you chance to respond to some of your ex’ allegations. they may ask you to take drug test. Have you prepared a position statement? if not, I highly recommend you do it and take to court. Also ask for contact with your daughter in the interim. I think it would be better if a fact finding hearing is avoided. It will just drag on the court process by few more months.14 January 2021 at 9:00 am #48128
Hi appreciate the quick response.
Would it be wise mentioning the file of old messages to cafcass? Oh yeah I am more than happy to take one. I have taken 2 i have documents of them throughout this time in the beginning of refused access waiting to provide her with it when she next accused me but I’ve remain blocked this whole time.
I know its just a first hearing and nothing would generally come out of it because I know she will refuse etc. I haven’t prepared one. Could you explain what one is? What should be included?
Oh yeah I plan to ask for interim contact just so I can build that relationship back up for when this is all done. I will take whatever (contact centre or supervised) can the ex deny that at all?
I would love to avoid a fact finding hearing as it delays it even more i originally sent off in February 2020 after she refused mediation. Courts messed up with the application and spent the best part of 2020 chasing it up and re submitting and having my mediation certificate expire just a nightmare. I thought there was cancellations and delays due to covid but on other forums i saw court dates etc. But after all the mess, I had to re submit a c100 at the end of last year which court have finally processed correctly. Waived the fees due to the inconvenience. The ex is a victim player. Has been all her life. So I know she will throw everything possible.
Thank you for the advice i really appreciate it!14 January 2021 at 9:23 am #48130
you should save your file of old messages for cafcass interview later on, to give examples of why you have been stopped from seeing daughter. this nonsense is all too common now. someone blocked from seeing their child because they moved on and got a new partner.
the position statement is to let court know why you are there, what has happened and how you would like court to resolve it. you should try keep it limited to 2 pages. more info on it here and there’s a template: https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/writing-a-position-statement/
I would be wary of mentioning contact centres, as likely it will cost you a lot of money to see your child there. wait and see what cafcass recommends. You should really be using contact centres only if you pose some kind of risk to your child.14 January 2021 at 10:35 am #48134
Yeah I agree. She has had 3 different partners since we split and when she was in a relationship, there were no issues and she was even kind to my fiancé, its always when she splits from them she becomes nasty and makes all different accusations.
Thanks for this linking! I will wait to see what caffcas say.
Cheers!14 January 2021 at 10:41 am #48136
I’m Michelle, one of the moderators here in the forum. I’m really glad to see you posting. It does sounds like a difficult situation and I hope you find the support here to help you through.
I can see a member has given you a link to the Child Law Advice service.
I’d also recommend that you contact our Single Parent Helpline. They may be able to explore other services that could help you gain some more clarification on taking things forward . Here are their details:
Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925to speak with
Opening hours: Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4 They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered
Hope this helps