Coping with teenagers

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  • #58216 Report

    Prince
    Participant

    Hi
    Is anyone coping as a single parent with teenagers. Finding it really lonely and isolating. Constant disrespect, back chat, negativity and anger they project is really getting me down. With juggling a full time job I feel like there is no where to escape. Has anyone any tips or advice cos I Ā am going mad. This year my son had recked a holiday, with constant back chat. Moaning about any suggestions of what to. Refusing to change his clothes I could go on really about how bad the situation.

    #58230 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    no idea i’m afraid – mine arn’t teenagers yet, but i did used to work with them.. is it possible to get them in clubs that might teach them bit more respect or keep them safely entertained/ a focus & give you a break?

    am sure more folk will most with useful stuff šŸ™‚Ā  just wanted to post you some love & massive respect for coping with them so far! <3

    #58231 Report

    Vintagedresser
    Participant

    Take a step back hun, their going to be horrible for a while yet. When they do your head in go do something you enjoy, its your life too, dont let them pull you down. I have teenagers so I know exactly what I’m saying here. Trust me do that for a month and I bet you will feel better šŸ˜Œ oh and holidays…if they give you attitudeĀ  drop them of if you can at a friends or relativeĀ  and instead go with a friend or relative.

    #58246 Report

    si7160
    Participant

    yep got that tee shirt or wardrobe full of tea shirts šŸ™ˆ

    me time and space is important whilst they go through this

    your teens are now having to learn post covid life skills and communication with their peers .

    happy to chat on here or pm me

     

    #58249 Report

    Vintagedresser
    Participant

    Thank you šŸ˜Š same here

    #58289 Report

    Rowland00
    Participant

    I’m in the same position with my daughter,Ā  it really does get me down at times.

    #58325 Report

    Em21
    Participant

    I completely feel the same. My lovely daughter has become so difficult recently. She’s just got such attitude and is rude and selfish. My eldest (son) is coming up to 16 now and he doesn’t seem so bad now, but I can see lots of difficult years ahead of me. It makes me feel very alone. No one to support me or help keep things in perspective. No-one to talk things through with, to discuss what should or shouldn’t be allowed. Not sure how well I will navigate these waters!!

    #58326 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    Same here with son, very tiring and feels constant…. Last few days bit better but really had to take all privelegesĀ  off him quite a few times and tell him exactly what I wouldn’t accept anymore and spell a everything out. But it’s tough. I hes clever, I’m easily outwitted and he argues and I loose my train of thought and sometimes I give in or don’t see the consequence through because he seems bit better and I want to reward him for that or i start to doubt myself and think I’ve been too harsh..all of this hasn’t helped and he’s a plethora of things he can say to annoy or confuse or guilt me….im only starting to figure it out now and all this said, I’m still not sure what’s going on, there’s hormones in the mix to some extent to, but I’m not fully sure I’ve it all figured out by any means.. Its lonely too I find, on my own dealing with it, I’m not part of the parents gang so it’s tough, sometimes I think I’m doing it all wrong but I suppose thats a bit of a merry go round… I’ve to listen to complaining and the rest of it now till the current consequences are over.. Hope they work, time will tell, sometimes it’s OK for a little while and then when he’s in a mood or things don’t go his way it feels like nothings changed…

    #58327 Report

    Em21
    Participant

    Hmum- what consequences do you give? I sometimes take her phone away, but don’t think I’m consistent enough. She always turns things around and makes me doubt myself. I said to her last night that her rudeness to me and her being mean to everyone in the house was unacceptable and said I’d take her phone each time she behaves like that. I really need to stick to that now. Hard to know when she’s crossed the line though….. Think her phone is the only consequence that would actually bother her.

    #58330 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    The phone or xbox… I guess its got to be a currency that matters to them to work, I sometimes try to follow that natural consequence idea but I don’t really know what natural consequence is of rudeness or disrespect, I tried doing the restitution, like he had to be nice to compensate by doing extra chores or something but it didn’t work, I’ve tried sending him to bed early and says when you speak nicely you can stay up a bit late and watch tv but it didn’t really work, grounding has some effect but sometimes no one calls for him so there’s nowhere to stop him going… Whatever you decide give it a chance and stick to it.. I reckon they can see see when we don’t mean it andĀ  don’t follow, think of it this way, if you start a consequence and don’t follow through there’s nothing in it for any of ye and the parent made themselvesĀ  look as if they only mean what they say sonetimes and if they’ve been annoyed about the consequence you’ve gone through that for nothing so whatever you choose stick to it and do it every time and instantly if you can, I guess prepare for a backlash.. When you change their behaviour I guess they will react to it too, and maybe if they annoyed it shows you’ve found some consequence that matters to them….

    #58331 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    I also get drawn into an argument about it and listen to all the excuses and that’s when I get confused and get drawn into explaining myself and doubt myself so I think I’ve gotta learn to not be drawn in and say very little, even if it’s just repeating myself over and over ‘we’ve agreed speaking like that us not acceptable’ though I find them he mimics me and that makes things worse… I guess I should say my piece and walk away avd leave him arguing with himself… Or fake it till ya make it kind a thing, look as if you’re firm even if ya don’t feel like that on inside…

    #58812 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    Ha ha well they say pride comes before a fall… Back to square one here, I’m exhausted and I think deep down my child still doesn’t get how disrespectful he is, in fact he has said himself he doesn’t really understand what the problem is.. I said to him that how many more consequences does he have to receive to just make some kind of change, not perfection but some kind of improvement, he has said himself he feels he hasn’t understood it yet and he fears himself it will take a lot more… I’m exhausted, I feel crap as a parent and must have gone wrong somewhere when he doesn’t really know what’s respectful and what’s not… Isn’t him saying he thinks it’s going to get worse before it gets better and that he hasn’t ‘got it’ yet, isn’t that…. Well I don’t know, is he giving himself permission to behave badly? I don’t know… I’m exhausted, I feel like I’m fighting on all fronts, working all day, taxying to sports etc all evening struggling with money, dealing with this crap rude behaviour…. I think I’ve spoiled him or over compensated or something because he just doesn’t seem to respect me or take this seriously at all…. I feel like I should get measured for a straight jacket coz I think that where I will end up!

    #58813 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    I have this feeling that with so much of this stress that I’m becoming more of the star of the video ‘parenting 101- what not to do’! And I have this feeling and I don’t know if this makes sense but this feeling that it’s the scrabbling about/rubbish parenting/coming to the end of my ropeĀ  mummy stuff that’s happening that kind of makes him take me less seriously, he has been carcastic and mean but generally not a lot, but still I have this feeling that he thinks I’m not to be taken seriously and I’m not really strong or consistent and I’m a bit of a disaster really… I don’t know if I’m explaining it very well or if I’m reading him right at all but I have this sense that’s where he’s at…

    #58826 Report

    Prince
    Participant

    This sounds like a similar tune to mine caught in the cycle of removing privileges so he understands that his behaviours are not acceptable. My teen son does not care. I got to the point that he refused to allow me to suspend his possessions such as Ps5 or phone as a consequence. It is a complete night mare at times. Ā I have never felt so alone in my life. Raising toddlers was a nothing.
    Sadly I lost my dad 2 years ago and I have not seen my mother for about 4 years as she is wrapped up in her 3rd marriage. Like many of us we are in a similar turmoil at times, how do we support our teens to be positive.

    #58834 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    That’s a good question.. I’m not sure anymore if I’m on the right track or not, I’ve now decided on a contract type arrangement but I’m exhausted trying things and it’s more inconsistency possibly.. Yeah toddler etc was such a doddle except I just didn’t know that then… I think you’ve hit the nail on the head when you use the word ‘cycle’… Sorry your parents aren’t there for you, totally understand the lonelyness of it all too.. I think not getting a break makes things harder and I struggle more

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)

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