Coping with no support / finding help

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  • #45252 Report

    Can anyone on here help?

    I just wish I could cope with having no support with my child. I dont have a day off or any time to have me time. I left my partner for no being helpful and although I’m slightly more contempt with him not around I still cannot gain any alone time. I know i love my child but its draining I feel so depressed and rundown I snap at her and get irriated quickly over silly things that she does. I just wish I had a family support network that could even allow me a hour to have a shower alone. Shes 2 and will be starting nursery soon I hope so I can gain a little time there but it isn’t the same as having people I can rely on for a little help. How do people like me in this situation cope? Did you ever manage to find friends who eventually you were able to have them watch your child. Did it take long to trust them? Dont mistake my questions for wanting to hand my child off and go party my life away but I feel like I’m not me anymore I dont really wash or keep myself looking nice because I cant bring myself too when I’m so overwhelmed. I long to just have a shower in peace and without being in constant fear my child will injure themselves whilst I’m in there

    #45253 Report

    I  could of wrote alot more but thats the jist of it. Just to clarify my ex doesnt want to have her if we arent going to be working things out. E.g. get back together and my family aren’t a option. I dont have any friends I have one solid mate but she has a family with 3 children to cope with herself and I just don’t think that’s a option much in our friendship I dont want to push her away by keep asking or bringing it up. I moved to a new area and I have neighbor friends but dont know them enough to trust them like that yet

     

    #45255 Report

    warwickshire1
    Participant

    I will reply to a little bit of it. You may feel better say after 7/8 pm once your son is asleep is to get in routine of having a shower and relaxing and planning your evening ahead. You will start to feel a bit better refreshed etc and could start watching a box set or a film and wind down. if u have a nice evening this should make u feel better eventually if not straight away when u wake up in mornings. further down line son maybe going to nursery and dad may be involved and be able to start having him also. I can see at moment hes probably angry and not accepting relationship is over and son is suffering because of this albeit he is young still

    #45256 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi hope your ok

    You will find time i promise. My sons father never wanted to know but i was fortunate to have great family and few brill friends to help

    In terms of time to shower well even if its just a quick shower then grab one. I get up me and my son who is 3  have breakfast then i get washed and dressed. A shower only takes 5mins sometimes i stretch to 10 ahha. He is ok downstairs with tele on and toys

    Ive been doing this since he was a baby. He has always been perfectly fine. Yeah you may find your daughter will find where thjngs are and when Mummy out room go exploring but as long as there isnt anything dangerous in her reach she will be ok for 10/20 mins

    Even a quick wash will do. My son often follows me anyway to chat haha so sometimes i dont get a shower in peace but to keep him occupied he has watched youtube on my phone or he is quite happy downstairs. Thats been the way sibce he was young. I still had a baby chair with straps in for when he was upto 2 as i knew where he was when i was upstairs or out the room

    You will also gain time when she goes the nursery and she will gain that bit of independence also. You can do this its intense when they so young but its ok she is safe. Even if you take the suggestion of  bath or shower of an evening to help relax

    Dont worry you will be fine. Get a routine and its easy it just becomes natural. All the best

    #45342 Report

    Queen
    Participant

    Hi, If u live in London let’s get to know each other and hopefully wecan be that family for one another.

    #45469 Report

    Lotus2020
    Participant

    Hi, I would like to get to know each other more and become friends, I live in west midlands and I am newly a single mum! please text me.

    #45491 Report

    SamAmber82
    Participant

    Hiya, My son is turning 2yo soon and I’m in the same boat. I understand how overwhelming it can get and the desperate need for some me time.

    I’m fortunate enough to have a sister who will look after my son for a weekend every 6-8 weeks though.

    Im currently self isolating so everything is kinda depressing and lonely rn.

    But what I jumped on to say. Is the only thing that works for me is… Fake it til you make it lol Not profound but its working.

    I drew up a schedule… Realistic Low expectations manageable list.

    Start everyday by shower and dressed. My son sits in the bedroom and watches TV.

    Encourage independant play. Which gives you breathing space.

    I make sure we go outside everyday (except right now ofc) Even a trip to shops can entertain my son.

    He will hopefully start daycare in January and hopefully that’ll help too.

    You will start to feel better and less drained. The low mood can make the lack of support feel worse. I know it gets me down at time. Just take each day as it comes.

    I hope this helps. Feel free to message me I’m happy to chat more xx

     

    #45501 Report

    I needaliein
    Participant

    Hi, I just want you to know that it does get easier and even a tiny bit of time when she goes to nursery will make a massive difference. Hang in there 🙂 Finding ways that you can do at least some of what you need to do for yourself and your sanity with your child around can help- including time to pee and have a speedy shower! Mine used to sit in the bathroom with me and either get out her bath toys and play with them or if I had to, she’d have favourite annoying noisy toy to play with (!) Try and fit in at least 1 thing a day for you, even if it’s just a cup of tea or some grown up telly. Once your little one is in nursery and then school, it gets easier to make more mum friends, you can help each other out with play dates and the odd bit of emergency childcare. If there are any playgroups still able to run near you try to go along, sometimes getting out the house and having a chat with another adult or 2 while the kids played helped me get through the loooonnng days. Wishing you lots of luck 🙂

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