Coping with introduction of new partner to kids

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    CarolineHS
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    Hi all, a bit of advice from those who’ve been there would be appreciated. I know I’ll get through this but I’m shocked at how devastated I feel.

    I have been separated from my ex for 18 months. I finished it and had wanted to leave for a long time but I felt stuck economically and emotionally. We have 2 children who live with me and see their dad currently twice a week. He told me a couple of weeks ago he’s got a new girlfriend (it was a relief to hear it as I thought it might chill him out a bit and stop him turning up at mine). He said he’s really happy and the kids to meet her. Theyve been an item for a month but he’s known her a few months. I asked him to slow down, what’s the rush, enjoy your relationship with your new partner without adding the complication of the kids knowing and possibly being upset. He’s said he wants her in their life. I think she’s pushing him to get her to meet them.  Anyhow he took them on holiday and when they came back they were talking about her by her name and she came away for a couple of nights with them! I feel so mad about it. I was never expecting to feel this way but I think I can’t believe how hard it is to lose that control over something like this. I have been crying and couldn’t sleep so had to take a sleeping pill. The kids have no idea as I try to protect them from our adult conversations and difficulties but I’m sure when he introduced her as a ‘friend’ our 10 year old would realise?

    What has other peoples experience been? Do you feel jealous of a new partner being allowed in your children’s lives? I am devastated by it even though I have always supported a positive relationship between them and their dad even when he has been a total idiot to me. I think I am worried that they will love her more than me (irrational I know).

     I have told a friend that I feel like I hate her even though I have never met her (don’t want to) and she couldn’t understand why .

     I feel like with them being an item he will start saying we think this and we think that and putting pressure in me and changing things. I realise I sound really insecure and may be I am but I’m not sure what to do about it!

    I have also supported him in the last year whilst he’s been homeless several times and not had a job and not supported us financially for a year. So I guess I feel like a fool and I should have got a babysitter and gone out and started a new life rather than waiting for their dad to get his place and have them overnight. I feel like I’ve been an idiot and now he’s moved on and is happy and the kids will stop loving me and I’ll have nothing! I don’t love him any more (stopped loving him years ago) so why am I so devastated that my kids have met this new woman? Anyone else experienced this?   Thanks in advance xx

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