Coping with a new man on the scene

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  • #9505 Report

    Judg1976
    Participant

    Hi all

    I have been separated for 2 years and divorced for 2.

    My ex wife still lives in the same village as me and we share the time we spend with our daughter evenly.

    If I am honest although I put on a brave face this whole situation has been very difficult and I find it hard to think of anything else. It is driving me nuts as it seems to be the only thing I can think about. I go over and over how our relationship went so wrong and look for the reasons, I look for where the blame lies and find it hard to move on.

    The situation has been intensified as my ex wife meet a new partner. I found out through my daughter around 5 months ago. Since then they have bought a house together and are moving in a few weeks. I really struggle with the fact that this new guy will be living with my daughter, plus the fact he is very wealthy which is just leaving me feeling inadequate, I am unable to offer the security of a home in own for my daughter.

    I should point out however that I  have no fears about this guy in terms of the way he will treat my daughter.

    How can I get over the split and the times I don’t have my daughter. How can I stop thinking about and feeling angry about the situation, I have been thinking about counciling.

    Thanks all

     

    #9507 Report

    Aquitaine
    Participant

    Hi.

    Firstly I think your ex should have informed you of the new partner. You shouldn’t have had to find out from your daughter.

    That aside, I’ve felt these same thoughts and feelings. I’ve learned to let them go. Holding onto regret and anger is toxic and binds you closer to your ex emotionally than you may want to be. It leaves you open to hurt and stops you from healing. I won’t say that I don’t still have these feelings myself, but they’re now fleeting and far less damaging.

    I don’t think you need to worry about your ex and her partner having more money. I’m in the same position and it does rankle sometimes as my ex doesn’t give as much in child support as he probably should. Instead he buys my kids expensive clothes. My thought instead is that they’re not going without. Does it matter if I provide the basics and he provides the treats? Not really. My kids understand what’s going on.

    When your daughter’s older what she’ll remember is how much her dad loves her and the time you spent together, not what gift she had 10 years ago.

    Counselling can work if you give it a chance.

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