Coping after a separation, divorce pending
27 April 2018 at 3:40 pm #10794
Torisnail, I understand what you’re saying about reconciliation and my thoughts have started to change in the few weeks that she’s not been out the house, but I still don’t understand why she’s done what she’s done, And neither does she it seems.
she said she wants to go to couples counselling and we are both seeing therapists separately. This is obviously a massive decision which ever way it goes so I’m taking my time to think it through carefully and not ruling anything out at this stage27 April 2018 at 3:45 pm #10795
Hi Amber, I feel i understand where you’re coming from, Although situations are slightly different there is a bond in the grief, trauma and pain.
I would certainly recommend getting some magnesium citrate and vitamin D tablets. Those with some multi vets have started me feeling little bit better in the morning, and I have been making sure I eat plenty of fruit even if I just pick. And blending smoothies it’s been good as well. Obviously only if you like fruit!27 April 2018 at 3:50 pm #10796
Hi Amber, I feel i understand where you’re coming from, Although situations are slightly different, there is a bond in the grief, trauma and pain.
I would certainly recommend getting some magnesium citrate and vitamin D tablets. Those with some multi vits have started to make me feel a little better in the morning, and I have been making sure I eat plenty of fruit even if I just pick.
blending smoothies it’s been good as well. Obviously only if you like fruit!27 April 2018 at 8:39 pm #10814
Gosh Stewart, this is awful. I hear where you are coming from with the “looks like my wife”part but not. My husband is exactly the same. Distant, cold hearted and nasty – we were together 13 years, married almost 8 and have a 3 year old. I knew I had to walk away as it was a mentally abusive relationship however when I left twice before I ended up going back (the breaks were only short). This time round (7 weeks ago) it ended for good with him putting the final nail in the coffin. It’s hard. I have also lost two stone in weight and working a stressful, high level job and looking after a toddler too. I am not complaint as for my own safety and that of my son’s we have done the best thing in the long run, I just can’t see it at the moment! it feels like grief.28 April 2018 at 6:58 pm #10842
Hi Torisnails. You ask “H<span style=”background-color: #fbfbfb; color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>ow do you foresee the future?”</span>
In three phases:
Near term: bitter divorce battle. Painful transition for children, whilst they adapt to two homes. I’ll be fair and reasonable, but coldblooded amd beligerant to get the right deal for the children and I. Lots of arguments about the children and money.
Medium term: adjustment period to being a split family. Possibly some more delayed grieving on my part (for the broken family, but not for her). Rebuilding my social life, starting new projects/hobbies to keep me busy, and working hard at generating positive cash flow to recoup the amount it costs me to get shot of her. I’m determined to stay in the family home, and keep it a stable one for the children when they are with me.
Long term: enjoying being free from her, making my own way in life, and regaining my happiness. Doing my best to prevent our children copying her bad standards of behaviour and being myself a good example to them: honesty, trust, openness, polite, kind, sharing, sober and loyal (all the things that my wife, their mother, is not). It’ll be hard, and I’ll need to be ultra organised, but I’m absolutely determined. My children will certainly come first: I don’t know at this stage about new relationships – I feel emotionally battered, and don’t want to let anyone get close (for fear of a repeat).
I’m going to need counselling – as I am Mr Angry – or take up boxing! I think I am grieving, which is showing itself as anger toward her. She makes my skin crawl.28 April 2018 at 7:23 pm #10843
Stewart67, your situation sounds very similar to mine (described earlier in this string).
My wife is a very different person that I used to love.
I concentrate on looking after me, so that I can be the best person I can for our children: healthy diet, lots of fruit, exercise, fresh air, and hence reasonable sleep. I am working very hard on my mental well-being, as best I can, amidst a sea of worry, fear, and uncertainty. I take much pleasure from my improving career (which alongside my children is a positive bit of my life that keeps me driven and occupied). I don’t drink or do drugs: oddly I’ve started eating lots of tangerines!
If you ever want to chat off line, drop me a PM.
Another suggestion: check out the book Transitions by Will Bridges.