Controlling ex refusing parenting agreement

[Octoberbaby19]

hello! I would really appreciate some advice please from someone who has maybe been through something similar.

Me and my ex have an almost 1 year old and since I was pregnant there has been issues there when it comes to controlling every situation.

he has protested when and where he will see his daughter from the very beginning, not really considering the breastfeeding a factor and wanted to have her overnight from a newborn!

since lockdown I thought we might have recovered all of our differences between us and both understood that we have to do what is best for our daughter.
note – he has remained unnamed on the birth certificate due to my issues with him being a control freak during my pregnancy and not at all trusting his intentions (we were only together for a short time and broke up when I was around 26-27weeks pregnant.)

I’ve asked him on multiple occasions to agree to a written agreement that is signed by both of us before his name is on the birth certificate as I would feel more comfortable knowing we both know where we stand but he absolutely refuses, says it’s childish and completely belittles me everytime I mention it – this morning I got “I’m not having this redundant argument with you again Lou”. I feel i am at a complete loss.
I’m almost certain that he is refusing because he is going to try force a decision when our daughter is older that she will go to live with him full time and go to school close to his which is over an hour away. She’s been with me since newborn and visits him at the weekend regularly and I never argue when he asks to see her earlier or later or take a day off from seeing her etc.

I feel terrified that he’s going to try and manipulate the situation when his name is on the birth certificate and I honestly have no idea what to do.

[sirtobi]

Hello,

When our little one was born we used a pump and had bottled breast milk in the freezer because his mother regularly stayed away over night or wasn’t available during daytime. That could be a way for you to solve the overnight problem.

Your fear of the father taking the child away via the court system seems exaggerated to me. That would be an enormous leap.

From the child’s perspective it seems to be the right thing to have the father on the birth certificate if he is available and I as father wouldn’t think it a fair bargain to haggle for this privilege as only if you are on the birth certificate there is a level playing field of sort.

As long as you avoid having the father on the birth certificate you will have complete control. He would have to agree to anything you say or do. If that is what you want, you best leave it this way.

[Author]

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