Controlling ex husband still controlling me. I feel I’m doing wrong?

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  • #40704 Report


    I can’t believe I’m writing this. I’m just so clueless, lost, confused. Hurt. I don’t know why.
    I’ve left my ex husband due his unreasonable behaviour, mentally and emotionally abused me for years till that day I got up and left him, moved into my parents home with our then 2 year old child. It had always been me and my daughter when my ex husband around, he never work (still doesn’t work 8 year later), he smoke pot, always up late and sleeping late, he was so lazy he just never bothered. Then we broken up, the same issues been on going for years, I have always let him see his daughter no matter what with him and me. It got to the point he refused to pick his daughter up from my parents home 30 mins away. Then I moved away, a very long way, fresh start and I finally felt free for the first time, I can breathe. Then I met someone incredible amazing guy I never thought I would meet anyone, it was great, he bonded with my daughter brilliant. My ex husband left suddenly gone to travel to the world, heck I wonder how he afford it. I got pregnant with my 2nd child with my current partner. Then my ex got back after months of travel, he suddenly wanted to see his daughter but expect me to travel more for him. I said no. We finally agreed to do half way, but he was a hour late, sometime 2. Which let me feeling frustrated, I was pregnant again with 3rd with a toddler and my daughter so I’ve asked him to travel little furthermore, 2 hour for him and 40 mins for me. I could of said come to my door but for my daughter sake, I done much I can. 50/50 in school terms for the last 3 years. Until last year, everything changed, he was rude and blackmailing me, last summer, When he had my daughter for 3 weeks, half way through, he blocked me and I couldn’t get hold of him not hearing how my daughter is for over a week was scary and heartbreaking and I learn he left my daughter with his new gf’s parent overnight one night while he went out partying, he could least to inform me if anything happened? I had his mother text me if I could get my daughter home early. He never since contact me, the October half term came, his mother came to collect my daughter and ensure my ex husband will bring her home, but he never turn up, I had to arrange 3rd party to bring my daughter home. Then I had a letter from his solicitor said I stopped contact and that. But the thing is he had not been in contact with me ever since in the summer.

    even when the contact was broken between me and him, his mother had always able to help out with Pollyanna to see her father. So all of my daughters life, I have never once stopped him seeing her.

    so I’ve given my proposal to his solictors was I am happy to increase my journey from 40 min to 1 hour. 50/50 half terms and 16 days in the summer. Which he rejected and had apply for court for child arrangement order. Got the court date for next month, but I’m constantly thinking and I don’t know where it gone wrong.
    thankfully I found a solictor.

    Suddenly last week I’ve got a letter from his solictor  saying; he will do one full journey from my house then I have to full journey one way from his house. I can’t do 5 hour trip with my 2 children and my current partner work full time. 3 weeks in summer term and 50/50 in rest of school terms. If I were to agree to it, he will remove the court date off the list and etc.

    I of course refused for the first time. And felt that was very unfair due to my circumstances, I have commitment with my 3 children, on school, clubs etc whereas himself have no work, no children or commitment and I want the court to happen and to be sorted out properly for once for my daughters sake as it’s been on going for years.

    I have anxiety and I’m so worry if I’m doing this wrong? Please please if anyone can give me so advice about the court and the ex husband.

    #40711 Report


    You’ll be better off going to court, once it’s agreed he has to adhere to the court order or you can take him back to court.  I got a child arrangement order earlier this year and its a relief that it has now been sorted, no more threats and demands and dropping the kids off early or not turning up or i can report him to the court.  I did it without a solicitor you basically sit with him with a cafcass officer and try to sort out an amicable arrangement, there is domestic violence in my situation so i didn’t have to sit in a room with him they spoke to us separately.

    If you don’t come to an arrangement at the first hearing it goes to a 2nd hearing where they give direction but if you still don’t agree it goes to a 3rd hearing where the judge will decide for you, well that’s how i understand it.

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