Controlling Ex Girlfriend – Court

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  • #53057 Report



    Me and the partner recently split up and she’s a little upset with the situation, she left me but I would not give up my house as I run a business here and would be homeless.


    A few sour words got said after the breakup and it’s gone no contact.

    Back in 2018 we had a split up and it resulted in a false domestic abuse assault against me and I got found not guilty, stupidly I got back with her and had another lovely child. As we lived with each other over 6 months the court order became invalid.

    She was being reasonable at first but now because she knows it’s hurting me she is simply not interested.

    Mediation is booked in for Friday, she will not attend and I know that. Then we will wait for 14 days and apply for court.

    The problem we have is she wants something in place to guarantee I would give the children back, this fear is based on a petty argument we had in the past, I work for myself and don’t have time for the kids full time and she knows this.

    Its just a way to control the situation a little more. I am wondering is there a way to renew the old court order?

    Also due to the pandemic what’s the average wait time for a hearing from the day you submit your form?

    Also as I work from home and plenty of time for the kids I suggested I want overnight stays Thursday and Friday and then the following week Saturday and Sunday, is this realistic in the eyes of the court?

    I will be representing myself.

    #53076 Report



    You have applied to court which has now become the only option given that the parents haven’t been able to agree to a schedule.  Within 5-6 weeks you would get a first hearing, in between that there will usually be a safeguarding call with Cafcass who will do police and local authority checks on the both of you.  There maybe a further detailed welfare report that is ordered by the court at the first hearing, this will probably involve Cafcass speaking to the children.  I wouldn’t worry as they are quite skilled at this.  They will publish a recommendation (S7 report) as to how they believe contact should go ahead, they are very powerful in the court arena and are considered the experts.  If your ex partner is anxious about you returning the children to her care then a court order should help manage this as it will order as to how the children are to move between parents.

    End to end you are looking at around 8-9 months for a final order unless you and your ex partner are able to agree an order through consent.  I would also suggest asking for holidays to be shared equally.  I’ve been through the process self representing and have also supported other parents.  Feel free to connect.


    #53097 Report


    Thank you for your reply!

    8-9 months!? Really? In the past (2018) it took around 3 months start to finish and we finalised at the first hearing.

    #53111 Report


    As you said in your post – it took about 3 months but you came to an agreement at the first hearing

    From when you submit your application it will take 5-6 weeks to get a first hearing.

    If Cafcass are ordered to complete a S7 report, this would take an additional 10-12 weeks.  You will have a directions hearing after the S7 recommendations are published to see if an agreement can be reached.

    If no agreement is reached at the directions hearing then it’ll be another 6-8 weeks before a final hearing.

    All of the above is based on the fact that the courts are behind with hearings due to Covid; however, you and your ex can come to an arrangement via consent at any point through proceedings.


    #53115 Report


    Fingers crossed we can resolve on the first hearing as I miss the kids, not even a phone call for two weeks.

    5-6 weeks does not seem too bad and hopefully they’re not too backlogged here in the Midlands.

    The issue I have is I want Thursday and Friday and the next weekend Saturday and Sunday overnights. I know she will disagree on this and I will be left with every other weekend.

    I just want to see the kids at the end of the day, I have messages to prove what she has agreed on and what she hasn’t and she just wants the order in place so that I return them.

    Does she have the power to string it out longer on purpose or can the judge shut it down in the first hearing based on what she wanted? Also I’m guessing they can put in an interim order to at least have some contact?

    My poor 4 year old daughter obviously misses me and it breaks me to know she hasn’t spoken to be in such a long time, she’s a clever girl and I really hate to know what they’re telling her

    #53125 Report


    Every other weekend and school holidays shared equally is the norm as it is considered as quality time, as you say, it is not so much the time but what is more important is that you and the kids enjoy the time together.  Do you live in close proximity to your ex/school? If so, how about asking for some play and supper on school nights, this is where you collect the children from school and then hand them over to your ex later in the evening.  This way, you can build up to the additional midweek overnights that you suggest?  A phased approach is sometimes best for the children as it allows them to settle into the change that is due.

    If no safeguarding concerns are raised then there is no reason as to why you cannot ask for contact in the interim, the court would need to investigate all welfare concerns as the safety of the children is paramount.

    I am based in the Midlands too, Nottingham to be more specific, feel free to connect should you wish for further support or just a chat

    #53168 Report


    Thank you Leader!

    I will try for the Thursday and Friday overnights and if she disagree’s I will just take it on the chin, my daughter’s school that has been applied for is around 500m away from my home, whether she continues to apply for that one I don’t know.

    At this stage I have no say in the matter as she is playing all the shots.

    I know deep down my daughter and son would love to see me every week and it’s sad that ex-partners try and stop what they’d want for their own benefits.

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