Controlling behaviour/anxiety

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  • #25578 Report


    im not sure whether anyone will be able to offer any guidance but I feel really upset and fed up. I separated from my children’s father 3 years ago. Just short of 2 years ago I obtained an occupation order and civil injunction and he was removed from our family home. Our children are 15y, 12y and 7y. He sees the youngest, the eldest will not have anything to do with him and the 12yo has recently had her contact stopped with him for the second time by the courts due to her starting to self harm. She suggested enforced contact with dad drove her to it. Increasingly, over months she’s been intense when my partner of 14months is with us. This is my only partner since the separation. I can not hold his hand, she jumps in between us. She won’t let him sit next to me at the dinner table. She has to constantly be next to me. I asked her the other day how I can make her feel better, more secure etc as this behaviour demonstrates that she’s unhappy. Her response was that he should stop coming to our home. Genuinely, I spend time individually with my daughter, we bake, shop, tidy her room etc but nothing is enough. She’s the same if I suggest I’ll be going out with work friends, I offered for her to come but she said no, she just doesn’t want me going. We had a conversation about me being more than just mum, I have a right to friends etc, I need not to be made feel guilty for having dinner out with friends once in a while. I’m really struggling to determine which way to do this with the worry that the self harm will occur again. Obviously the courts are now involved again, and Cafcass which I’m ok with. I’ve noticed when I don’t have plans/company she doesn’t actually join me downstairs which indicates this is not about her wanting more time with me but just that she doesn’t want me to be with anyone else. I hope someone can offer some advice or share their experience as I hate seeing her so un content

    #25590 Report


    Hi Greenfingers

    Thanks for posting on the forum and sharing your experience. It sounds like you’re having a difficult time with your daughter.

    You may want to contact Family Lives to talk through parenting issues 0808 800 2222. Young Minds also has a parent helpline to talk through any issues related to mental health in children, and behaviours like self-harm – 0808 802 5544.

    I hope that other forum users will be able to offer you some support.

    Take care


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