Control Issues

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  • #55596 Report

    SN
    Participant

    Dear All,

    I would really appreciate your advice. My daughter’s dad broke up with me in November 19. He refused to engage in any meaningful conversation around how to move forward albeit I made lots of different suggestions. He is very wealthy, me and daughter continued to stay in the property (we are paying him rent) however he made it clear that we would need to move out asap. After a lot of blocked conversations I decided that I wanted to try and go home back to Germany. We have no family in this country. I have lost all my work due to COVID. He refused. I initiated a court case where I put Germany down as my first option and Bristol (where most of my friends live) as second option. I lost on both cases. I am now forced to stay here within a 20-30 mins radius of him and have another few month in his property before I need to find somewhere else.

    Since the break up (but also already in our relationship) he has shown very controlling (subtle but very much there) patterns of behaviour. He consistently describes himself as my landlord threatening he can come by anytime giving me 24 hour notice. He is refusing to pay the correct amount of CM, he calls every night at least three times to speak to our daughter and if she doesn’t want to he requests for her to answer the phone and tell him (she is 4). He tells her that he is upset if she doesn’t want to speak. She also often comes back telling me that he will be upset if she doesn’t do this or that….I feel for her as it makes her very confused. He refuses to answer any of my emails concerning her welfare etc…however if he doesn’t like something I just get an email from his lawyer. I have hardly any friends here and feel very lonely. I wanted to go back to Munich for the summer but with Daughter not staying with him for longer than 6 nights in a go yet and him wanting 50/50 holidays this is now not possible either. I also don’t have the money to buy somewhere else that is within the requested 20 minute radius that the court decided we need to live in proximity of each other. Or the money to initate another courtcase to issue schedule 1 proceedings. He refuses to pay anything towards our living but has offered a 200.00 downpayment if we buy somewhere else. I have applied to CMS.

    He currently wants shared childcare (he sees her every week overnight and every other weekend Thursday – Monday. But I am sincerely worried whether this is the right thing for our daughter. He doesn’t co-parent with me. He refuses to communicate about anything re her, he doesn’t do any of the parenting but when with her treats her like a princess and she gets taken for dinners, bought everything, and entertained around the clock. This is really not me being jealous but I am finding it hard to see how this could work. Whether it is good for her. And I am worried that he will exercise the same controlling behaviour he is presenting to me to her. This is what he has had from his dad. And it seems like it is the default behaviour that he is taking on towards her and myself. She is ok when with him but it takes convincing from my side for her to go in the first place.

    I really struggle with the amount of control he has over my life. And feel really scared that he will just take me back to court.

    What can I do? How do I move forward? I am sorry this is a real ramble…I would really appreciate some advice.

    #55603 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    you could try renting a place other than his, or apply to local council for housing help.

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