Continued Interference by mother on court order

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  • #62889 Report

    SingleDad350
    Participant

    Hey everyone,

    Hoping for some help and advice here. After spending 18 months fighting to be able to see my 4 year old daughter, I finally had a court order put in place, outlining that I have her every evening after school on a Wednesday, alternate weekends from Friday until Sunday and split holidays which is a great result. This was done following observations with CAFCASS and an independent supervisor, all of who agreed this in the right way to progress. Prior to this, I was only seeing my daughter, progressively increasing contact;

    • for a couple of hours every other weekend

    • followed by every other Saturday for the whole day

    • Saturday morning through to Sunday morning.

    She has coped fine with this, has never shown any upset and enjoys her time with me.

     

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by SingleDad350.
    #62891 Report

    SingleDad350
    Participant

    However, now that the order is signed and done, her mother continues to try and make things difficult. The 1st Friday I was due to pick my daughter up from school for the long weekend, I received messages from my ex partner before she dropped my daughter off, saying that my daughter was in tears and that I should call to see for myself. I video called as I wanted to know that why my daughter was crying. Both her and my ex partner were in tears yet my daughter couldn’t tell me why, yet her mother proceeded to tell me through her own tears that it was because she was staying for the 2 nights. I proceeded to try and reassure my daughter before her mother then tried to tell me that contact is going to fast and detrimental to my daughter and that we shouldn’t be following the order. I reassured my daughter that everything would be ok and that she would have a lovely time at school and that we would have a great weekend which she was fine with. I advised her mother that she needs to take my daughter into school so that she can carry on. Her mother reluctantly did this. I telephoned the school multiple times throughout the day to check my daughter was ok which she was and the school also reassured me that this would be normal as the change comes in. We had a wonderful weekend, she has no tears and a really enjoyable time and didn’t mention her mother at all.

    Upon handover on the Sunday evening, my daughter was very happy, said good bye to me and was all laughing and smiling. Upon getting home, I received a message from her mother saying that “my daughter got in the car and had been crying all the way home and doesn’t want to stay anymore and that I wouldn’t let her call her mother, which is all fabrication. I have never once stopped her calling her mother if she has asked, and in fact sent photos of a drawing my daughter did because she asked if I could. Since this incident, I have seen my daughter twice more on the Wednesday’s i have had her and she has enjoyed her time and even asked when she is staying next.

     

    #62892 Report

    SingleDad350
    Participant

    Fast forward to today (Thursday night before the Friday daughter stays) I received 5 or 6 messages saying that my daughter has been upset all week and crying all the time saying that she doesn’t want to stay at mine. My ex partner then sent me a video of my daughter crying but you hear no context of why she is crying. She continues to message saying you need to let her speak to me. At which point I messaged her in the Family wizard app we are supposed to use saying that I won’t entertain this from her mother and that she needs to stop upsetting my daughter before she stays and that what she is doing is detrimental to my daughters health. She came back to me saying that what i am doing is wrong and affecting my daughter and that I am doing nothing positive in any aspect of my daughters life.

    Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’m at the end of my tether and just want to be able to enjoy my time with my daughter yet her mother continually try’s to control and manipulate the situation at all times.

     

    #62896 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    sorry to hear that. must be very distressing for your child and yourself. I hope the child is not being manipulated or emotionally abused. may be good idea to talk to childrens service about this.

    #62902 Report

    SingleDad350
    Participant

    Hi Steve3334,

     

    Thanks for getting back to me. Yes, thats what I’m doing 1st thing in the morning to see what they advise. I’m also getting to let the school know so they can help my daughter throughout the day if she needs it

    #62979 Report

    Ls Dad
    Participant

    Sounds like parental alienation. You need to enforce the court order and get your relationship with your daughter back on track or this will only get much worse.

    #62985 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I wouldn’t label this personally. There is plenty of evidence to show that parental alienation is a dubious term and in this situation jumping to conclusions or labelling really will not help, I suggest.

    Court orders are important, but so is negotiation.

    My suggestion would be to really listen to the mother in question when she says this is moving to fast. I would then wait and say ‘let’s stay with the current arrangement and look at it again in x months time’.

    There is also no point at all in causing distress for the child by forcing it, as I’m sure you know.

    I had a court order too. They are important but both of us still needed to show flexibility when our situations changed as a result of differing working patterns, unemployment and then when the pandemic and lock downs came along even more so as ex lives a few hundred miles away and travelling became difficult.

    It sounds like your ex is under considerable stress not least due to the uncertain situation in schools and the pandemic, where we are my DD is doing well at college but only currently has one a level teacher out of there as so many teachers are off with covid.

    I don’t envy anyone with kids in primary school right now due to the pandemic and risks of infection. Remember everyone is stressed out and at the more you can do to smooth things over for your kids the better.

    As I say, from expereince I know in the long run it is better to be flexible, regardless of what the court order says. No one wants to go back to court if the present arrangement is working. Not unless absolutely necessary, that is, and doesn’t seem like it is here.

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