Contact time travel arrangements question

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  SOLOMUMMY 2 weeks ago.

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  • #32704 Report


    My ex-wife recently moved our two children (9 and 11) just over an hour away, in to the house of her new partner. They now attend schools that are about 30 minutes apart, and finish at different times.

    We have agreed that they’ll spend every other weekend with me in the town where we all used to live, from Friday after school to Monday mornings (when I take them back). The sticking point has been the Fridays. I work a couple of hours from where I live and can’t get the flexible working to enable me to leave at 2pm on a Friday to get over to their new location to first get our youngest, then (after 90 minutes of hanging about) the eldest. However, she is insisting I do so, and says that ‘coming to get your kids twice a month isnt much to ask’. We’ve struggled through the last half term, generally with me instead having to get to their new home at around 7pm to drive them back to mine just for them to then have to go to bed. It’s a waste of an evening for all concerned, and it would almost be better for us to forget it and just move to Saturday mornings instead. I hate that thought though – why should me or my kids have our time together reduced?

    My preference is for her to collect them from school on a Friday and meet me halfway.

    It has become a massive source tension and stress every fortnight. I’ve tried reasoned persuasion, suggested alternatives, had a solicitor write a letter – all to no avail. I’ve now tried to get a mediator involved and she’s outright refused to engage. It feels like I have no option but to apply to the court for a decision on what is reasonable here but it seems so disproportionate (and is money I’d prefer not to have to spend). What is the general advice? I feel like that because she moved them away voluntarily, the onus should be on her to be more flexible around transport arrangements to ensure contact is maintained. Is that correct?


    #32708 Report


    Sorry to hear you are going through this.

    I hope you can resolve this.

    Have you thought about moving yourself? I know this must seem like an odd suggestion but if it gets you closer to your children?

    Other than that I hope someone on here can point you in the right direction.

    Good luck.

    #32710 Report


    Hey mate,

    I think you asked enough but not working!

    Some of people aren’t flexible like my ex wife.

    By the way, I think the best way here is just count on yourself. I’m completely understand it’s difficult to change your work time but the best way that I think is finishing your job as soon as you can to spend time with your kids.

    Hope you can find a best way.


    #32712 Report


    As you have said, courts frequently now expect that the onus on travel is put on the parent who relocated away.

    You can apply to court for £250 if mediation doesn’t resolve the issue. And self representing without legal input would be appropriate and manageable.

    I think that I would make sure you have a record of everything in writing. So if you haven’t already in would send a non emotive email, clarifying the situation.  So highlighting she relocated away from the family town, relocated the children to schools xxxx distance apart. That you have been unsuccessful with requests for flexible working, that you have requested she does half of the travel on your weekend Fridays,  as it makes the situation difficult and is not currently in the children’s best interests and that after all this issue has only come about as a direct result of choices she has made. Given illustrative time lines of if you do it or if she were to do it, to show how the impact on the children would be preferable as that’s key to success here.

    I would add that if this issue cannot be resolved, with your suggestion of her facilitating Friday contact by travelling with the children that you will both need to pay for formal mediation with a view of going to court if a resolution cannot be found.

    Also have you made a formal request to work rather than just verbal?

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