Contact- is it really worth it?

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    Hi I’m a single mum of a 10month old. My ex partner and I were together for 4years and when I became pregnant (unplanned) he explained that he had a wife and kids back home in his own country and that his parents wanted to send them to France to live with him. He supposedly travelled home to tell them about us and ask for divorce, but then never came back again. He later contacted me to say he was forced to bring his wife/kids to Europe and didn’t have any choice in his culture. He says he will tell the truth ‘when things were settled’. Obviously dealing with this when pregnant was horrific to say the least, but for my daughters sake I tried to put her rights first and maintain contact with him.

    He says constantly he wants to keep contact with his daughter, how much he l9ves her, he sends her little gifts sometimes and asks me to bring her to Paris to meet him, but.. he still hasn’t told his family we even exist. I try to keep him in the loop, sending photos and updates etc but currently the only contact he has is a 10min phone call once a week or sometimes a fortnight. He doesn’t send any money for maintenance, but he really doesn’t have it (especially paying for his “other” kids) so I don’t argue about it and get on with things on my own, although its very hard and I admit I do feel bitter sometimes.

    Now though my little one is coming to 1yr old,  I am feeling frustrated that essentially 2years on he still hasn’t acknowledged our daughter and relationship to his family members or friends. His name isn’t on the birth certificate because he didn’t return the paperwork I hand delivered to him. So my question is- is maintaining this kind of contact between him and my daughter even worth it? Will it actually make things worse or more complicated/hurtful for her as she grows up?



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