Contact during COVID
25 April 2020 at 5:46 pm #39381
I have just joined gingerbread (strangely enough on my dad’s advice!)
I have looked through some of the chats on here and decided to reach out for some advice.
My baby daughter’s mother left me before our daughter was born. Baby is now 3 months old, and her mother made the decision to return to her previous partner whom she alleged was violent and controlling. They are (in effect) bringing up my daughter as their own, and whilst my ex partner has allowed me limited contact (in a restaurant for 2 hours every Friday), she has made it clear that my desire to be a part of baby’s life is an inconvenience to her.
My ex-partner has insisted that all contact between me and the baby is in a public place (I suspect but cannot prove this was driven by her partner in a further act of control). They live an hour away from me, and so I made arrangements to work compressed hours which enables me to have every Friday off and visit this restaurant an hour away. Since COVID kicked in, the restaurant has been closed. My ex-partner told me on 25 Mar 20 that she and her new partner were self-isolating, and that it would not be possible for me to see my daughter. A month has now passed, and I asked her yesterday if we could re-establish some form of contact, be that something as simple as me collecting the baby for a few hours on a Friday. I accept that I wouldn’t be able to bring her back to Huntingdon, but perhaps I could have taken her to a local park just so I could have a chance to bond with her.
My ex partner has flatly refused, saying she is not leaving the house and that she wouldn’t trust me to have the baby on my own because I have no experience and she wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. She flatly denies using COVID as an excuse to stop my contact, but that is exactly what she is doing.
I am in the process of completing a court application (as she has given the baby her new partners surname and completely cut me off); however thanks again to COVID I feel it will be a while until we make any progress with this. Meanwhile my previous access was not the subject of a court order, but instead an arrangement made between my ex partner and I.
So at present, I do not know when I will be able to see my daughter again – and meanwhile she is growing up thinking another man is her father! My ex partner has thrown COVID legislation at me, stating she is unwilling to budge. As the baby has never been to Huntingdon she is stating that the “move between homes” guidance does not apply.
Is there anyone out there who is having similar problems and can offer me any advice?
Thanks in advance. Stay safe everyone!
Steve25 April 2020 at 8:11 pm #39384
Hello Steve , Iam so sorry you are going through this it’s nice to see a father wanting to be in his child’s life , covid has made things harder gaining access but it won’t be forever Never give up on your little girl and keep all evidence that your trying to gain contact , remember if it’s not written down it didn’t happen that’s a saying I live by at work , heartache is horrible it consumes your whole body and every emotion stay strong here if you need to talk .25 April 2020 at 8:16 pm #39385
Sorry to hear the problems you are having. I’m sorry I don’t really have any legal advice for you but just wanted to say that I think you’re being treated very unfairly. As someone who has once been in a controlling relationship it does sound like she’s having to go along with what he wants about the contact, these people are so manipulating. I really feel that you are entitled to have contact and it sounds like she’s just making excuses. I hope you can get this sorted out quickly, I’m sure there will be others in similar situations who can give you some advice. Take care.26 April 2020 at 2:34 am #39395
Hi Steve , really feeling your pain matey. Your on the same boat as my self. Instead I live 5 mins away from my 5 year old I haven’t been able to see him for 2 months now and it’s really causing me a lot of stress. I have the exact same problem as your self she won’t let me see him due to covid 19. I went out last week Tuesday baught him an iPhone I setted it all up even putting my number on speed dial for him and posted it with Royal Mail. When my ex received it she took the SIM card out and gave it to him. This is a woman that I still care and help her every time she needs my help. Her argument was he is 5 he doesn’t need a phone. I’m starting to give up and trying to find other ways to help me forget about him all together as it’s constant pain, the boy loves me to the moon and back but she always makes things to difficult for me to even sleep contact.26 April 2020 at 1:05 pm #39401
Hey guys, thank you so much for the support 🙂 It’s a really difficult situation with hands firmly tied – however it is really nice to be able to share the frustrations with others out there who understand and can relate. If nothing else this has spurred me on to crack on with the court application forms, so hopefully some good can come of it.
Family time – thank you, you are absolutely right. We hit a bit of a stalemate before Christmas because she refused to communicate by email, choosing instead to hurl abuse at me down the telephone. I have had to insist upon a ‘non-telephone’ communication set up – because as you say, there is no evidence of what was said. In the end we settled on WhatsApp!
Lorraine – So sorry to hear of the situation you were in. It sounds as though you were able to make an escape, and – taking a positive from a negative situation – I am guessing the experience has ultimately made you stronger.
Jay – I am so sorry to hear of your experience. It must be even more difficult as your little boy misses you – what your ex partner has done is totally unfair on him.
It still amazes me how people can be so unreasonable and not see the bigger picture!
Thanks again for the support guys. It means more than you realise 🙂