Contact arrangements

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  • #19217 Report

    Squeeze2
    Participant

    Hello I am new to the site, I really would appreciate some help, I feel exhausted with the separation I am currently going through. My ex partner does a rolling six week rota, he can have two or three days off a week depending on the shift he is on. I have asked for him to provide the days he will be having our two children. He is refusing to provide this in advance saying he doesn’t know when he will be out. I want stability for the children as much as possible, is this unreasonable to ask to be able to plan our lives, do you recommend getting a solicitor involved? I am just so lost I do not know what to do.

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by Squeeze2.
    #19245 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi squeeze,

    You can go to court & get a contact order which sets out the minimum access each parent has and agrees when, but neither you nor the court can force your ex to show up. As the resident parent, you must facilitate access but he can choose not to use it.

    Is your ex being inconsiderate or is he trying to upset you? You are not being unreasonable. If you are going to work or even just run your life, you need to know when to book a childminder.

    You could take the initiative. Send him a plan of when he can see the children. Offer him days and times that suit you. Then he can either accept them or negotiate. Don’t allow him just to show up. He’s basically expecting the whole family to be at his beck & call.

    Once he gets the idea that if things are going to work, he needs to work with you to make it happen, things may settle down. Good luck.

    #19268 Report

    Squeeze2
    Participant

    Thank you very much for all your help, I will take your advice on board, it sounds like going to court will be too costly, so I take your advice and won’t tell him that if I cannot afford it. I will ensure I have it all wrote down tho.

    I am so surprised he is being like this, he is a good father, I thought he would jump at the chance to sort it out. Rather than cause further contact??  Thanks again for all your help

    #19297 Report

    Schubert
    Participant

    Hi Squeeze,

    I went through a similar thing to you. Firstly, mediation has to be considered before Court action.

    You could contact your local mediators and ask if they can help. If they can’t them they will provide the Courts with certification saying that mediation has been considered but is not appropriate. Ie it won’t work.

    There will be a cost for the mediation service. But really your matter should be settled without this.

    As your ex works shifts, would it be possible for him to advise you of the shifts say 3 months at a time?

    With the court proceedings, the judge and Cafcass will only be interested in the well being of the children, as you are.

    I really hope that things resolve themselves and wish you all the very best

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