Hi I’m looking for some advice on sorting out contact between my ex husband and children. We’ve been separated for the past 4 years and divorce finalised.
Up until a few months ago we were very close and had flexibility round contact for the children. We split weekends, flexed them if either required, he saw the children 4/5 times a week after school we had them if either of us were away on holiday.
Since he has been with a new partner the contact has dropped to every other weekend, he’s changed arrangements for things that had already been put in place meaning letting the children down and having to change my plans. Which I don’t mind but is becoming frustrating because of the children. He says he wants his time and it’s his alone he doesn’t have to see them unless it’s on his terms.
I’ve offered to go to mediation which he doesn’t want and stupidity I believed we could work through on our own as soon as I cancelled it all went back to arguing. We don’t talk or see each other anymore which is hard on the children as they have always seen him regularly and seen us have a positive relationship.
Im trying to work out the best contact arrangements for the children but now have no idea where to start. I’ve agreed to change Christmas and birthdays so we will now alternate, every other weekend from Friday to Monday and an evening every week but not overnight.
Can anyone give me an idea on what’s reasonable and unreasonable to work towards.
I think EOW is pretty standard and one or two evenings in the week, with or without overnight. Overnights mean a lower maintenance payment.
My ex does one day a weekend and a long weekend or whole week during school holidays because it suits us all better. I do Xmas Eve & Xmas day then ex has Boxing Day to lunchtime on NYE. But It can depend on location, long travel is no fun, or for teenagers, often they want to be near friends or sports teams at the weekend.
Other things have an impact too. My ex refuses to encourage homework, he can’t be bothered, so there has to be enough time at mine to get projects finished first.
Access being regular is essential or it becomes a planning nightmare. Can you share a google calendar?
I am happy him not having them over night mid week due to work commitments & I have no interest in the money side of things affecting any arrangements. he lives about 15 mins away so no picking up from school or dropping them off. Christmas I’ve said I’m happy to have them xmas eve into Christmas Day & he will pick them up mid afternoon and we can alternate between Christmas & new year depending how his contact weekends fall too.
Its just so sad that it’s got messy like this for the children as their needs are paramount to me they really miss seeing him.