Contact Arrangements

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  • #21163 Report

    RKRK14
    Participant

    Hi All,

    Im after some ideas of how contact is arranged around school holidays. No court orders in place, we start mediation next week.

    One child who is 4. Was seeing other parent thurs-Fri one week then Thurs-Sat the next. Holidays so far have been other parent saying they will have 2 days in the week (does not then have the usual contact on top of this!) Contact has been ad hoc so far with me fitting in around other parent but long story short it was a controlling relationship and I have finally started taking control.

    I am requesting contact changes to Fri pick up from school and drop off at school mon (alternate weekends) to limit my contact with other parent as lots of emotional abuse at every handover. But I’m not sure what to do about school holidays as so far they have not wanted any extra?!!!

    Do I suggest just the alternate weekends??  Do I offer more contact only in summer holidays? Do I offer extra days before/after weekend depending on when the weekend contact falls at every school holiday?? I want to be reasonable but at the same time i have to arrange childcare as I work and can’t have every school holiday off,  and the other parent has changed or cancelled contact in school holidays with little warning and left me trying to find emergency childcare!

    What do other people do?!

     

    Appreciate the help

     

    xxx

    #21169 Report

    RKRK14
    Participant

    Thanks for the response.

    The eow I think will be agreed to as just before Christmas other parent (OP) announced they could no longer pick child up on a Thurs so I basically said if that was the case we would move to eow. Lots of arguments but eventually agreed but with the proviso that child was brought back to me Sun night! Then communication broke down.  That’s the bit that will be the sticking point! I have stopped OP coming to the house and they are blocked on everything possible (phone,social media) we are going to use a public venue for handover in school holidays due to the distress and emotional abuse that happens at handover!

    As for the school holidays I wasn’t sure about putting the ball in their court due to their manipulative control and wanting to get at me, nothing to do with wanting to see our child! However, like you say

    How do you get a shared online calendar? That’s a good idea?

    Christmas is sorted (although probably contested)! I have Christmas Eve – Christmas Day. OP has 3pm Christmas Day-Boxing Day.

    Bank holidays I was tempted to just say whoever it lands on has the bank holiday! ie if OP has Fri- Mon and it’s a bank holiday Monday then they would have the full day on the Monday!

    It’s just such a minefield and complicated thing to sort! 😒

    #21283 Report

    RKRK14
    Participant

    Well we had our first mediation session which was awful and OP immediately rang CSA to say contact has restarted!! No it hasn’t, I actually proposed the EOW and OP have excuse after excuse as to why they couldn’t drop son off at school Mon so 2hrs later and we still have nothing sorted other than OP will ask work!!

    Im really worried that OP will now be asking for more contact (particularly school hols rather than term time) as I have gone through CSA and they are actually telling OP to pay twice as much as  they have been!!!

     

    Does anyone have any reccommendations from experience about what a 4yr old “needs” if eow is accepted! I.E a night in the non contact week or just tea, or just a phone call!?

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