Contact and after school activities

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  • This topic has 7 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by Flipflop43.
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  • #15027 Report

    Flipflop43
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    I have recently split from husband, July.  I am living close to our old home. He has chosen to live with his parents 25 miles away until his new build is ready Dec/Jan.  My children have some after school activities starting in September.  The eldest has been on a waiting list for netball for 12 months.  She has just got a place, however it is on the day he has access.  I have spoken to him he said verbally it wouldn’t be a problem.  My youngest is going into year 6, she struggles at school and I have booked her some extra tutoring to help her with her SATs. Again this falls on a weekend when he sees them. Verbally he again said this was ok, but he asked me to email him their school clubs and OOSA so he knew their timetable which I’ve done. He has now emailed me back to say the girls are unable to do any of the activities that fall on the days he sees them, whilst he is living in Kidderminster as it’s inconvennient for him to be travelling backwards and forwards and it would cost him too much money.  He is a higher tax payer and has no financial commitment at the moment as he is living with parents.  My eldest is so disappointed about the netball, she has said she will not see him on that day now.  Where do I stand if they stay with me on those days and say he can see them after the activities have finished?  He says he will take me to court if I keep them from seeing him.

    #15043 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    How old are the kids? Do you pay for the activities? Whilst he has a point, this seems like an area to negotiate. Make it clear you’re not stopping him from seeing the children – don’t be afraid of court yet – he has to take you for mediation first, and if you’re offering to negotiate that’s all mediation is. See how he feels about that. Try to be reasonable and flexible, but maybe make it firmly clear why this is a problem and see what else can be negotiated?

    #15125 Report

    Flipflop43
    Participant

    Thanks for these comments.  I am meeting him in person this week to discuss a way forward, however I am little apprehensive about this as this will be a verbal conversation and I will have nothing in writing.

    #15126 Report

    Flipflop43
    Participant

    Thanks for these comments.  Unfortunately the y6 tutor can not be changed, it is a small group of 6 children (as this is a cheaper option, than private 1-1) and meets every other weekend on a Saturday.  I have suggested that he changes his contact time, and we swap weekends, so my youngest can go, but he said this is not appropriate.  Although he has not said, he is a keen fisherman and this will interfere with his fishing, he has every other Friday off work so he can go fishing over a weekend.

    I have also suggested that we change the contact day from a Thursday to another day in the week, although he hasn’t said no, he has said that is is not convenient for him.  My 12 year old has already said she does not want to see him during the week when it is school time as she has to get up at a ridiculous time in the morning so he can bring them into school on time.  Currently they have been seeing him most weekends in the summer holidays he has picked them up when he has finished work and brings them back early in the morning before he has to be in for work – as this saves his travelling time and petrol money.  He has chosen to live 25 miles away with his parents, so has no outgoings as such at the moment.  Instead of renting somewhere close to where we live.  I am paying for all the activities and tutoring that the children are doing, as he will not contribute any more money than he is already paying.

    #15160 Report

    Flipflop43
    Participant

    Thanks Anonymous. I have emailed him, so will see what he comes back with tomorrow. Fingers crosed

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