Contact An maintenance

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Ramblinjon 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #26799 Report

    Sunshine89
    Participant

    My little one dad hasn’t been around from the outset. He had no contact at all until 1 and a half, then came once a fortnight to our home for 2 hours until little one was 4. At this point I relocated with my little one (300 miles away) with fathers support.

    Weve had a year to organise contact; he’s been for contact 4 times in passed 12 months, had no overnights with total of 12 hours of contact on each visit (6 hours at a time over 2 days). I’ve taken little one there for contact 4 times with 1 x 8 hour visit each time.

    So in the passed 12 months my little one has had 80 hours of contact with father (more than before we relocated, was just 52 hours then).

    I’ve finally plucked up courage to apply for maintenance, he’s asked for a £1000 variation for contact costs. Wayyyy over inflated but it’s been accepted even though I argued it.

    Hes now bought a house and is demanding that he comes to pick up little one and has for a full week over summer hols. My little one bearly knows father and won’t cope being away that long. What can I do about it?

    Father does  not have parental responsibility.

    Hes saying I’m restricting contact so threatening through courts. If it does go that far what would he likely be granted? What evidence do I need to start to gather?

     

    #26800 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    At five plus he’d be awarded a week holiday at a time. More so because of the distance that’s been created and it being in your child’s best interests to go for a week with 600 mile round trip rather than this for less time. And he’s entitled to be a part of the father’s home too.

    Though I get that you say he’s only had  80 hours contact this is equivalent to every six weeks given the distance that YOU created. So I wouldn’t be using that argument to fend this off. What I would be suggesting in your shoes would be weekend overnight contact before this, so maybe a weekend in your locale and then a weekend in his home before the week in the summer.

    A court would see this as appropriate. If you don’t agree then you’ll need to demonstrate how you would see an increase in contact to build up to a weeks holiday, as I’d envisage this offer being necessary at least two or three times a year – summer, Easter and Christmas school holidays as these are the longer school breaks.

    #26803 Report

    Sunshine89
    Participant

    I’ve already tried this, I’ve offered for little one to stay with him when he comes to visit here but he just books a single room and has said no (his new parter isn’t allowing it as she thinks I’m there too). He said he won’t come to visit every other month like we agreed and now only wants a week in hols so his new partner can be there in their home, but for me to still take little one for contact to them every other month.

    This is about money, not about wanting to have contact. I’ve had to beg for him to be involved from day 1.

    I moved to be closer to my family for support. Me and the father have never been together and he has never wanted to be in little ones life as a father so I haven’t created anything, we both agreed to this move as he felt it was better for us all, he’s changing the private contact agreement.

    #26812 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    But until he has 60 something overnights he won’t get any further reductions.

    #26843 Report

    Hi Sunshine89

    Please remember that you can always call our team of trained advisers on the Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline for advice around this subject.  They will be able to help you explore your options.  Hope that helps, Justine

    #26847 Report

    Anon
    Participant

    Hi Sunshine,

    I hope you’re well and I’m sorry to hear about your story.

    I understand that Dad doesn’t have PR? May I ask if that’s because he isn’t named on the birth certificate ?

    Solomummy, you state that Sunshine has created the problem re distance because of  the move? Dad agreed to it.

    Peeps, I haven’t been on Gingerbread for a while. I thought this was supposed to be a support group?

    #26849 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Hi Anon.

    Yes your right this is a support group and the vast majority of users are nonjudgmental, empathetic and caring so please don’t let the very few users who arnt particularly like that bother you. I know for a fact that should someone overstep the mark the moderators will deal it.

    Mark

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