Contact agreement

[Toughlove]

Hi

i need some help as I get very angry and frustrated with the lack of consistent contact my ex is having with our daughter.

I have a few issues but really want to find work around s.

currently he has started seeing a new girlfriend who has 8 children. We agreed we will not introduce our daughter to new partners unless we were both in agreement. So this is fine at the moment.

however, he currently is only seeing our daughter on a whim, in other words when he can be bothered or she isn’t there.

I would like to propose a contact agreement because I think we all need some consistency and our daughter needs stability. Also to be honest, I think I deserve some time of my own.

he doesn’t pay any child support either and I’m fine with this as he lost his job in January.
so I was going to propose he has our daughter Friday after school to Saturday morning on week 1 and then week 2 Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.

if he wanted to he could also have a few hours on a Tuesday or Thursday evening. Especially with the lighter evenings coming.

I do have reservations about her sleeping over there as he only has a mattress on the floor and he obviously is having sex in that bed. My daughter isn’t keen on staying there because of that reason and because he doesn’t do anything with her and he smokes weed so she comes out of there stinking. But that being said I don’t see why he should get to shirk  his responsibility to her and just flit in and out as he pleases.

do I propose this? And if he doesn’t agree what do I do?
I can supply a blow up bed for her to sleep in so she doesn’t have to sleep in his bed and it’s hers then as well

[steve3334]

hi,

yes proposing a regular arrangement for him to see child is good. there’s not much more that can be done. if you applied for a court order, there would be an arrangement in place. You would make the child available to him, and it’s down to his availability to see child. They can not force him to see child on set days. You have been very reasonable, offering all that time. as often dads have to fight to see their kids.

[Toughlove]

I appreciate that response and yes like you say I can’t force him to have her but I don’t think him just seeing her once a week for a couple of hours is enough, especially when he claims that I stop him seeing her.

our daughter is 9, to be honest I don’t even know if she will want to do this herself. I just want him to have regular contact like he says he wants.
sadly actions speak louder and it breaks my heart.

I see some dads go out their way to spend time with their children and I do everything myself and have done for years even when we were together.
I just don’t want to feel frustrated or get into arguments so thought this way might be best

[Author]

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