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  • #49044 Report


    Hi can anyone advise please? 

    II have recently been told by a mediator that our appointment has been cancelled as it wont be appropriate on the basis of how long contact has stopped which really baffled me. Exes choice – he is abusive and refuses to go through a 3rd party for handover.

    I am really scared as i have no odea what to expect next. I don’t have much money if it goes to court etc

    Has anyone had any good free advice please?


    #49045 Report



    does your child live with you? It looks as though mediator does not see any point in continuing mediation and have given permission for either of you to make a court application. If your ex is not seeing the child, then in theory it should be up to him to make a court application or not.

    #49047 Report


    Yes lives with me. It is so confusing, i don’t understand how someone could apply for court when I have made it clear I am not stopping contact. I just don’t see why it needs to go through me andnot a third party.



    #49048 Report



    can you please give a bit of background. did you or your ex book appointment with mediator? when was last time your ex saw your child?

    #49052 Report


    Thanks for replying

    It was my ex who initiated the mediation. To have an agreement in place around contact.

    Last contact was November. I was advised by police and to go through a third party after a number of hostile incidents. Contact was never stopped, I just asked him to use a relative.

    The ex wrote to me saying that under no circumstances is he prepared to go through anyone other than me.

    Then I received an invitation letter from a mediation service. This has taken ages because of covid backlog.

    Now the mediator does not feel it is suitable because of ‘ the length of time the baby has gone without contact’.

    <span style=”text-align: center;”>So i don’t know what the next steps are. </span>

    #49053 Report


    ok I see. so if he applies to court, because of his hostile/abusive behaviour the court will likely order him to use a third party for handovers, as well as communication between both of you.

    #49054 Report


    Thanks so much for replying. So essentially, that court outcome would back up what I have tried to put in place myself.


    #49057 Report

    Hi Ra84

    I’m Michelle one of the moderators here in the forum.  It’s difficult for anyone in the forum to give you a clear indication of what the outcomes might be in your situation, because each case is often different.  We’d always recommend getting professional advice with these types of queries, as services are generally more up to date with current guidance.

    There are a few services that may be able to help or give contacts for services that should be able to assist with the questions you have.  I’ll paste some links below:

    Civil Legal Advice helpline on 0345 345 4 345 to check to see if you qualify for legal aid and for details of local family law solicitors that provide advice and representation funded by do legal aid

    Child Law advice service – they again provide legal advice on family law issues related to children they have information on their website about this, and a helpline staffed by legal specialists 0300 330 5480

    Family Law Panel A free directory service for members of the public to access professional and independent family law information. Solicitors offer an initial free advice session. Professionals who can offer support with Domestic Violence are listed with a purple ribbon next to their name.

    Family Rights Group on 0808 801 0366  They advise around options where decisions have been made by the courts or social workers around their children’s welfare

    The Gingerbread single parent helpline are also very knowledgeable and should also be able to guide you towards service that could help

    Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

    Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered

    Finally you may also find some relevant information within the Gingerbread site:

    I hope that this helps a bit

    Kind regards



    #49059 Report


    Thank you very much

    #49069 Report


    Hi, Ra84 if you are promoting contact and not stopping it i dont think a family court would order a 3rd party to do it. Sometimes contact centres in some areas in uk can be used for handovers and drop offs. Generally a lot of parents where things are hostile, rather than meet at each others houses meet at a neutral place like a supermarket or any neutral place where u feel safe and secure to do handovers. This then reduces conflict and also sometimes use whatsapp/email to discuss contact arrangements or anything child related  rather than in person.  The problem is with 3rd parties they are good for a short period of time temporarily , but often 3rd parties cant always be available or end up no longer been able to do it which then creates more issues.

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