Constant disruption during phone contact please help

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  • #55570 Report

    Honey
    Participant

    I have phone contact a couple of times a week with my children. It’s a constant  struggle to have a decent conversation with them as they are always occupied or out .  their father is always controlling the call by holding the phone or telling them how long they should talk for. Their is constant disruption and it becomes so uncomfortable for the children to speak that they just ask if they can end the call.

    it becomes  very upsetting for myself and my children.

    please help

    #55575 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    are you seeing your children in person at all? If the phone contacts are so disruptive, may sound odd, but it might be better if the number of calls were reduced? in court I only asked for 1 call a week, and am more focused on kids staying with me on weekends etc.

    #55576 Report

    Honey
    Participant

    Yes I do see them in person over night every week and then Friday to Monday every other week. I have phone contact twice a week and the children wish  it was more but they just can’t be themselves whilst on phone contact. And I feel for them. They just can’t be themselves. Completely different when in person.

    #55600 Report

    Gumibear123
    Blocked

    I hope my advice will be taken in the way I mean it and not as a criticism:

    Why don’t you just cut the amount of calls then as suggested above? If you’re gna keep on doing what you’re doing,you’re gna keep on getting what you’re getting.

    It’s possible you might be calling at inconvenient times and causing disruption.If the kids were upset with you leaving the home it might have been difficult for them to settle and your calls possibly make things problematic for them and the resident parent. The parent who leaves cannot expect to call/visit at their convenience and always be welcomed.Children need stability and sadly if a parent leaves they will not be as much a part of the child’s life as they may once have been if the child spends most of their time in the family home with the other/resident parent.

    There are many other ways to show them your love in the time you spend with them.

    (I’m speaking from the experience of being the resident parent for many years),Good luck.

     

    #55643 Report

    Honey
    Participant

    Thank you for you advise. I completely understand what your saying. The time of contact is what suits the children. And as for wanting to speak they are asking to speak everyday. But due to the situation that’s not possible as father will not allow them too. It’s a tricky one. I have asked if they would like to cut phone contact down and when asked it makes then very upset. So cutting  phone contact is not  an option. They children should be allowed to speak freely to their mother without being constantly told to hurry up or being told to make excuses so they do t speak to me. It’s very upsetting to hear this. I’m at the stage where both children are very unhappy about the situation in terms of the living arrangement as d wish to have more , and the only way this can happen is if I start the whole process again

    #55646 Report

    Gumibear123
    Blocked

    I ‘m just thinking if they’re asking to speak to you every day leave it to them to call you.That should sort everything out.If they then tell you their dad doesn ‘t let you can fight it out with him or however you sort things between y ou.What you have to understand is that the parent who stays at home with the kids ends up having more say in the matter,and that is only right and fair as they end up doing the lionshare of the workload & give up enough of their own wants and needs.So like it or lump it,its just the way it is.

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