Confusing ex

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  • #59196 Report

    Annai
    Participant

    Hi I’m new to this and really need to vent.

    a year ago I found out my ex had been messaging another woman and we separated.
    we have tried to remain on good term and even ended up sleeping together which I know is wrong but for some mad reason I still love him.

    I found out a few months after our separation her had begun dating the woman I found messages from. To which I was devastated.

    we agreed that he would not introduce her to our girls without talking to me first. I have then found out he took them to meet her and her children and told our girls to keep it a secret from me.
    my 11 year old then told me yesterday because of another incident that she had been told to keep secret from me. I hold my hands up I went mad especially when only 2 weeks ago he was telling me he still loved me and had feelings for me. am I crazy for feeling so let down yet again like my feelings don’t matter.

    #59728 Report

    Liza4321
    Participant

    Hi Annai,

    He sounds really selfish and manipulative. It’s very difficult to see past our love for people who are hurting us. I think a lot of us have been in situations like yours. Listening to him or believing him will only hurt you more in the long term. It sounds like you know this but writing to a forum like this might mean you need to hear it from others as well. If it were me, I would minimise contact with him. Arrange childcare handovers to be done by others. Hearing from your kids about what he’s doing is awful. I really think for your own sake, try not to have those conversations. Focus on the fact that he has hurt you and will continue to do so if you keep letting him and move on. Remember that any time he tries to manipulate you again.

    #59729 Report

    Annai
    Participant

    Thank you for the reply!

    I totally agree with what you are saying.
    as much as I try to minimise contact and move on he either starts a fight or tells me he loves me.

    I know he is a narcissist it runs in the family but every time I point this out to him and his behaviours which are affecting our girls I get told it’s all my fault.

    Tonight is the first night I’m going out and it’s only to a friends house for dinner I have been honest in where I’m going cause he doesn’t like my friend and do not want him to find out and have another argument. Now I’m in the wrong for doing this.  But this time I’m not going to let him control me and have put my foot down and am going!

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