Confused and scared

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  • #35100 Report


    So I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for about three months seriously …. we’ve been on and off for about 18 months ish however. I just found out that he’s got two kids and the name he’s told me isn’t his real name ; now all of this is fine and he’s explained why he didn’t tell me about his kids and I’ve accepted the reason. He’s had a bit of a rough time recently so he could keep his job and generally have good mental health , he’s been staying at my house , so we’ve been super close and have been literally having the best time together. Now foolishly we’ve been having unprotected sex … I know it’s a stupid thing to do, he’s only just recently asked me if I was on contraception and I was honest and said no, he then freaked out and was like this is stupid why aren’t you on anything ? And I explained why I wasn’t on the pill etc and then he’s like well it wouldn’t matter anyway I’ve got someone pregnant on the pill before but she had an abortion. I said to him it’s both of our responsibilities to discuss contraception it’s not just the females and he disagreed and got quite annoyed about it, we discussed what would happen if I was pregnant .Fast forward to nearly a week later , I’ve always assumed I’ve would have problems conceiving , I’m over weight and I was taking the pill full time for about eight years with no break. But it turns out I am pregnant , four weeks

    Now he’s absolutely gone from softy to psycho and he’s like saying to me that he’s one pill away from ending it and that if I keep this baby , his ex won’t let him see his other kids as it’s unfair that he will have three kids under five and that I’m literally nailing the coffin shut if I keep it. I came home from work to talk about it and he refused to talk to me , he’s been banging on about abortion abortion … I’m not sure what I want to do , i told him I wasn’t sure but I probably wouldn’t keep the baby but now I’ve changed my mind

    I have my own house which is mortgage free however I do have some debt which is being paid off with my full time jobs wages , I know it would be a struggle if I had the baby but I’m just not sure. I’ve also asked him where I stand and he won’t talk to me until I’ve had the abortion ( apparently this how his first son was born , his ex refused an abortion) I genuinely thought this guy was my lobster , I literally love him with everything but I’m getting nothing but negative vibes

    he sent me some angry abusive messages tonight asking me when my appointment is and how it needs to get done and that I’ve changed and he’s happy he’s seen that

    I need to tell him I want to keep the baby but I’m scared

    I’d appreciate any advice 💕

    #35266 Report


    Throw him out now, change the locks, block him and then, calmly, think about what you want.

    Do not believe a single word this man says. He is dishonest and abusive. Sorry

    #35344 Report


    Get out now. Stay out. Dont even think about looking back.

    #35446 Report

    Hi R21234

    Thank you for posting here on our forum.  I’m sorry you are experiencing this at the moment.  Its important you receive help and information at this difficult time so you can make some informed choices about your future.  Here are some agencies that should be able to help you to explore this.

    • British Pregnancy Advisory Service advises on the options and choices to make. Their number is:  03457304030

    • Family Lives provide general support to families on issues around parenting, emotional support and just generally coping as a parent  0808 800 2222

    • National Domestic Violence helpline – for support with regards to historic abuse  Freephone, 24-hour: 0808 2000 247

    Hope this helps, Justine

    #35448 Report


    Please, please, please get away from this man. Then make up your mind. He is abusive and I second everything that has been said above. Please get help.


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