So I’d like to start by stating me and my partner of 7 &1/2 years are currently going through a pretty bad break up. Last year i lost my mum and dad (amongst other relatives) and was hit hard with severe depression and anxiety and as a result of needing time off work lost my job. This all had a part to play in it and i know i wasn’t a particularly nice person to be around but at the same time i was so scared and needed support but i feel i isolated myself too much and I’ve subsequently pushed her away. I still love her so much and the fact we have two beautiful boys makes it all the more difficult for me.
I lived in foster care and care homes as a child and never did i wish for my children to have to grow up without their father their with them regularly.
Due to the nature of the break up and the negative effects of losses and a haunting childhood I briefly attempted suicide by taking a lot of pills and instantly throwing them back up. I’m not proud of it one bit and it was a stupid thing to do.
now my ex partner claims she’s seeing someone else and that I’m not allowed to take the kids anywhere by myself and it is honestly like I’ve lost both my legs not having the boys there all the time. I get she has the boys best interests at heart but she knows deep down i would never do anything to hurt them.
Im not a bad person.ive just been having a bad time. I really dont want to go through court but i feel like she holds all the aces and her mum and dad are very against me and have been doing their best to ensure some kind of narrative against me is being built to make things more difficult for me. I can’t help but fee my boys will suffer and it kills me every day. We agreed to meet up of a weekend and i can see the boys and I’ve happily paid her £50 per week since splitting and moving out but i feel like i have no say in the matter and my hands are tied.
What are the benefits of going to court if any and will my criminal record be brought into it as she is using that against me also despite me being free of convictions for almost 10 years. I love my boys with all my heart and i love my ex partner but at the moment i feel like i need some leverage as I’m losing hope.
I just want my lads to know I’m there for them in more than a monetary way and i want to play a massive part in their development and upbringing.
any help and advice would be greatly welcomed and appreciated. Sorry for the long post but I’m really at a loss 😓