Concerns for daughter

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  • #45266 Report


    Hi all,

    I have a three year old daughter to my ex partner. Every time I collect my daughter she is ecstatic and overjoyed, but when I take her back to her mum she cries relentlessly and tries to cling to me.

    I know sometimes daughters bond strongly with their dads, but I’m worried about this because my ex refuses to handover our daughter at the property she is staying in. Instead she insists on the handover taking place at a nearby supermarket car park. The one time I went to the house (when I was dropping both my ex partner and my daughter off) there were some people outside smoking marijuana, which I disapproved of. Since then my ex insists we meet in the car park, no matter what the weather. She says I would judge her friends badly. She also refuses to say who is in the house. She just refers to it being an aunties of hers whom I’d never met (which it isn’t).

    Ive suggested better ways to transition our daughter, by meeting in a cafe, or collecting her from the house, but she says it’s just our daughter playing up.

    There are many other concerns I have and I can pursue these through a lawyer, but is it normal for a daughter to have terrible detachment emotions from her dad, but not her mum?


    #45274 Report


    It is normal for your daughter to be upset when returning to mum. She spends most of her time with mum so all you can do is reassure your daughter and make handover as smooth as possible.

    As for everything else its best not to get involved or say anything your ex does unless it is VERY serious and that doesnt cover any of the above you mentioned. Really you want to get back to doing handovers at her house rather than shop but dont pay any attention to whats going on. If you start involving lawyers and raising concerns it will all backfire on you. I say this from the many cases i have seen in past and from personal experience how awkward ex partners become when you raise issues.  Best thing you can do is get as much contact as you can and when child old enough if he/she isnt already is use the school as much as possible

    #45280 Report


    Thanks, that’s really helpful. I’ll do my best to try to make handovers less stressful.

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