Completely out of depth…

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  • #11831 Report


    ….having separated from my husband of 19 years I’m really struggling to come to terms with the total upheaval of this new life I find myself in, I feel all the stuffing has come out and for someone who is usually so full of life and now struggling with panic attacks and anxiety, and a battle to leave the house! It feels like a bereavement without the death, and I’m struggling with the lose of my best friend too, he was always my first contact with anything from the good or the bad! If it wasn’t for the school run I think I’d hide away under a rock. How I’m keeping myself afloat in front of the children is beyond me….please someone tell me it will get better?

    #11835 Report


    It does. Six to seven weeks of utter despair seems to be fairly normal followed by six to seven months of confusion and trying to adapt.

    Keep hanging around forums like this, PM people for chats, put the kids first.

    It does get better. But it does take time to re-wire your mind to the trauma of this kind of change.

    All the best.

    #11847 Report


    Dear Newandsad,

    It is just like grief, it is the death of a relationship and you are in the worst bit so know that it does it get easier. I think we have to go through stages to adjust. My husband asked for a divorce in October last year and I was bereft. Youtube has a million relaxation videos to help with the anxiety and panic attacks. I also used to listen to motivational videos and I know this sounds very hippyish but I got a pack of post it notes and wrote a positive quote on each one and stuck them to the inside of the ensuite door. I must have had about 20 of them. Every time I felt overwhelmed with emotion I would lock myself in there and read them whilst having a little cry. Those first few weeks I was in there so many times in a day and then it just got less and less until eventually I looked and thought I don’t need these anymore and I binned them.

    Take the time that you need. If you don’t want to go out then don’t, give yourself some time. But don’t be a hermit forever. It is so incredibly tough but you are not alone and there will be people in your life and in places like here that can offer you support. You don’t have to go through this on your own.

    You will come out of the other side of this pain stronger than you have ever been in your life. Hang in there honey xxx

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