Completely destroyed inside
9 August 2020 at 10:18 pm #42837
Apologies for such a long thread!
Hello. I’m new here, so be kind please!!
Basically, I’ve been with my wife for 6 years, married for 3. We have two girls together, aged 2 and 4. During our relationship, things have always been up and down. When our youngest was born, things got very hard. She was born with a serious, life threatening condition which can’t be cured (aslong as her medications are working though, she will be ok). Because of this, my wife started to get very stressed naturally. She’s always had mental health issues and this really brought her down. About six months after the birth, she told me that she no longer loved me and that we had fallen apart. I have always loved her to bits, even though people are always telling me we aren’t good together and that she’s not right for me.
We’ve been unhappy for the last two years or so, but I never wanted to believe it was over. She has been asking me to leave but I never wanted too and never wanted to walk away from her or the girls.
Well fast forward to a fortnight ago, and she decided to leave me and move to her mum’s, along with the girls. Ever since then, she has refused me to have any unsupervised access to our children, only let me see them while she’s there for the odd hour here and there and is being very awkward. I’ve had to speak to a solicitor as it was already getting clear that I won’t be able to see my girls much, and it’s looking likely that it will eventually go to a court case.
Two days before she left me, I found out she is on dating sites. She is adamant that it’s just “to speak to men and make friends, just a little flirt and jokes” etc, but she told her friend (I admittedly read her messages) that she was loving all the “fit slightly older (early 30’s) men on tinder” that she’d been talking too. I do have a very overactive imagination, so am constantly imagining her doing more than just talking to them while online…
It’s hurting me so much that she has seemingly moved on so easily. I’m absolutely heartbroken about the situation with the girls and they are obviously my number one priority. But I can’t stop thinking of my wife, even though we’ve not been good for two years, all I can now see is our good memories of when we were good together. She has ripped me away from my children and has broken my heart, but I can’t stop thinking about her and feel so down and jealous. I haven’t included everything about us on here as you can ask what you like and I can tell you (if not this post would be a never ending essay!). Why am I so depressed about losing the woman who is stopping me seeing my children and who hasn’t loved me for the best part of two years? I’d do anything right now, to have her on the opposite sofa to me, either not talking or moaning at me! We haven’t even slept in bed together for 18 months (I’ve been on the sofa) and have not been “intimate” for two years atleast (not even a kiss). I’m a complete mess!!10 August 2020 at 11:22 am #42852
that is a bad situation. Sorry for you. Whatever her story, it doesn’t matter any more. She has abandoned you and you have to admit that. Focus on your friends and family and stay in touch with your children. The children will ask for you and they need you. They are most likely to suffer. If your ex is treating you like that, she will be able to treat them badly as well. For some people it is all about a purpose people have in their lifes. If this purpose isn’t relevant any more, they can be abandoned. So keep in touch and be there for your kids. And just a friendly advice. Think about what you want and need as a person. You are the most important person in your life. Without you, there might be no help for your children.17 August 2020 at 1:36 pm #43011
A lot of similarities between your situation and mine, but don’t let that take away from your feelings it will feel it’s only happening to you and no one else because it’s your struggle.
And it is a struggle nothing worse than being pushed aside it would be easy if you both wanted it, I know because I was hit with “ I can’t do this anymore” and from that day after 7 years of marriage and no warning signs she was gone, out all night, people round and me on the couch!
i tried so desperately to hold on hoping she’d change her mind but it never happened and I got seriously ill and ended up in hospital, I’ve tried to end it all on two occasions but failed so I have a 100% survival rate like YOU do every hard hour, painful memory and sleepless night! You’re moving forward and talking about it is a great step and it’s a case of small steps at first, you can do this and your Daughters will always love you and just think in time the pride they’ll have in YOU for trying and fighting for them.
be nice to hear from you about you and your daughter25 August 2020 at 11:53 pm #43228
I’m sorry your going though this. My husband has just left me and I’m really struggling yet he seems fine. He says this is what I want yet I’m fighting for him to come back to me.we had an argument and left won’t even talk to me ignores all my messages keeps telling me he dosnt want me at the money but he might next week. We have our ups and down I don’t understand how he could walk so easierly we was still sleeping together the night be for he was telling me I was the one. Now he loves me but isn’t in love with me right now. This is the worst thing iv been though. I hope i see your girls soon26 August 2020 at 2:35 pm #43252
Your situation could not be closer to my partners previous situation (with his ex) She cheated on him and then denied him access. It went to court, cost him a fortune but he legally has his children every weekend. She is still causing problems as much as she can (at least since he’s been with me)….but at least she can’t take that time with his children away from him. The system is terrible that men have to fight to see their children..and if you don’t have a ton of excess money it isn’t cheap. Maybe worth having a final conversation where you really get to the bottom of why she won’t let you have regular contact with your kids and try to make her realise that time with both parents is best for the children and mediation can be used to determine how much and when….also, she might think she automatically will get what she wants in court but if she doesn’t she is then stuck with having made that decision. My partners ex wants them at weekends but that bit of paper stops her being able to take that time away from partner and I’m pretty sure she regrets the decisions she made that led to that. As for getting over it….it just takes time. My partner was left feeling worthless but here he is 5 years on in a great relationship (with me!) and happy again…focus on your kids and yourself for a while and at some point you’ll realise you are better off without her and can then think about meeting someone new when the time is right.27 August 2020 at 9:36 pm #43290
I really feel for you, my partner left me and our 2 year old daughter on Monday with no real warning and no reason why. Even though I work every hour seems to drag and I don’t know how I’ll get through the day, but amazingly we do. We’re stronger than we think we are or give ourselves credit for. I agree with the other posts, you need to try and find out what her issue is with letting you see the children. Can you talk to her Mum to see if she can help resolve things so you can see your children?