Co-parents 50/50 – moving out of town
7 January 2022 at 9:25 am #64581
I co-parent with my ex 50/50, kids are currently Yr5 and Yr2 and we both live nearby to the school (about 10/15 min walk).
I am not from the area, and I am increasingly feeling unhappy living here. I cannot return to my childhood home as it is very far away (Scotland) and I am in the SW England currently, and I am not looking to take the kids away from their dad and everything they know.
I am considering a move out of the city into the countryside more, which feels (for me) like a compromise, I get what I need from moving further out and getting a bit of a fresh start but we will be close enough – it is 30 mins drive (on a good day).
I know it will be hard to settle etc, but that is not the advice I am after at the moment.
What I am wondering about, and worried about, is how workable this is when the kids become teens. If the move was to happen, we’ve agreed we will look at high schools for my eldest in both areas because it is not a given that the local school here is the best. The travel to primary school on our current contact pattern is manageable. But high school is different – I guess as they become teenagers and less enamoured with our company, they may want to be with their friends.
How have others managed this when you are in a different location?
They’ll of course have more friends in the location of their high school, so either of us could be dealing with a grumpy teen who doesn’t want to come over etc.
I guess as they become teens, the contact becomes more flexible?
But we cant be the only ones who have had to move out of area due to affordability (another factor) and further from our co-parent.
Anyone have any thoughts or advice? It feels so huge, and ultimately selfish on my part to want to change things – but things are changing anyway, we cannot stay in our current home and my ex will also need to make a move at some point. And to be clear, I have no interest in reducing contact either way, we get on great and we are working very well together as co-parents.
GBMS7 January 2022 at 9:49 am #64585
Hello there, I do hope you both manage to make a new start. I am also South West so you may want to pm me for local tips on schools etc.
My DD is sixteen now, so through primary, secondary and now at sixth form college.
We live in a semi urban/rural place but with relatively good transport links and used to be walkable to all schools.
Now DD gets a free college bus as she has chosen a college futher away.
It is a good point with teens wanting to branch out and meet their mates when they get older.
Personally my piece of advice would be to watch links with local transport i.e. get someone close to a decent bus route and not far from a train station if you can, that is if you want to go more rural.
Obviously they can’t start driving until they are seventeen and you want to keep the costs down anyway. So applying for transport/bus/coach cards and a Student rail card when they are sixteen is important for this.
I’m guessing that as they get older they are not the only ones wanting to branch out and if you are really sussed on public transport it means that you don’t need to ferry them everywhere quite so much (which would tie you down to some extent and possibly affect what kind of work you can do…?)
I’m not sure if you are renting/buying etc but my advice would be to watch the public transport links. And location of colleges and also, whether the colles do a shuttle/bus service if they are going to sixth form. Be aware also that online learning will likely continue on and off for at least a year with the tail end of the pandemic I would think – and shortage of teachers.
Also whatever place you choose, try to make sure it is attractive for the occasional sleepover for your teen and their mates. (If they stay at yours you can be relatively sure at least they are not up to too much mischief!)7 January 2022 at 10:57 am #64590
Thanks for your response – I have noted to look into the public transport links and colleges.
I like the idea of renting as a ‘try before you buy’ option, but the rentals in the area I am interested are few and far between – there is a risk that the house sale will proceed and I will struggle to find anywhere in time.
It is hard, I sway between being really diligent (hence this post) and gathering info, and then just thinking I should just do it, give it a go. Even looking on this forum, people make bigger decisions than this, bigger distances, or it is out of their hands, for lots of reasons. But I am an over thinker, so here we are!
I currently work full time and would be commuting in to the city, which is very common for the area. We have hybrid working since the pandemic so I would try and combine in office days with the school runs that I am down for.