Co parenting with coercive ex partner during covid-19

[moonflower]

Sorry long post!

1. I’ve seperated from my ex 8 months ago because he has drink, drugs and anger issues and has been manipulative and been using coercive control.

   We have a nearly 5 year olds child together.
   I’ve moved to a mum flat share and he lives partly in a homeless hostel  partly with his parents whom he regularly falls out with.
   I’ve tried to have an arrangement with getting our kid to stay w him at the grand parents every other week and get him to pick her up from school a few days a week So he can see her.

   But this has not worked out.
   He has come into my house share that I live i now to see our kid as he feels unable to see her on his own.
   He feels entitled to see our daughter here,  as he feels he’s got no where else to go.
   My flatmates and children are intimidated by him as he keeps finding issues w their parenting and their children that fit his story that our daughter is not safe here. He is planning to get social services involved. Which dues not bother me much as I know I’ll be fine.  He keeps contacting my parents and brother in-law to complian about my living situation and me. I’ve drawn a boundary recently saying he can’t come to the house share.

   Now with covid 19 my ex has nowhere to see his daughter.
   He currently uses public transport to visit a friend regularly and plans to do this to see my daughter. He lives fairly far the other side of London.
   He thinks this is fine.
   But I worry about him spreading the virus unneccesasirly and getting  covid 19 myself. I’m 45 and though in general ok health, people like me still do occasionally die from this.

   He really struggles in his hostel. Keeps telling me he’ll kill himself. I don’t want that of course.
   But I really struggle too and am really stressed, working and home schooling but mostly i have enough of his controlling and abusive manner,

   My question is do I need to let him see our daughter during the pandemic?

[GingerbreadJustine]

Hi Moonflower

I hope you are ok and hopefully it won’t be long before other parents are able to share their experiences with you.  There are several issues here that you are talking about and unfortunately some of these overlap.  It may be useful for you to contact our single parent helpline.  They will be able to help you explore your options.  I am also including a link to our coronavirus information page.  This may give you some further guidance.  I hope some of this information helps.

Kind regards, Justine

• Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered.

Coronavirus

 

 

 

 

[Author]

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