Co parenting with a controlling and verbally abusive ex

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    Pannie
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    Hi all, my ex and I have recently separated and he wants us to jointly rent a house so that we can co parent the kids using the ‘nesting’ approach. He says that this is in the best interest of the kids (15 & 13) as they won’t have to shuttle between 2 homes. In an ideal world, I would agree with him too.

    However, as he is controlling and verbally abusive, I do not think that this method would work for me as he will continue to control and use me. I would like to buy or rent my own place and be independent of him, however, I am a stay at home mum and have no income so I would find it difficult to secure any accommodation it seems. Plus he continues to say that I am being selfish by wanting to buy/rent a place of my own as I am putting myself first and not the kids.

    I believe that this nesting arrangement is more to suited to him than the kids because he currently works overseas and it is more convenient for him if I look after the home and kids for him until he is ready to return to the UK. Plus he wants to buy a place in Plymouth where he used to live and not in the SE where the kids will be going to school. Also, in this arrangement which he is calling 50/50 custody, he won’t have to pay me child support even though in practice I will be looking after them more than him as he will have to continue travelling lots for work.

    We will be going to mediation with this – can anyone help me to put a case to the mediator that I am not being selfish by wanting to buy my own place and that ultimately, it is better for the children to see both their parents in different homes, given our circumstances? We currently live under the same roof (overseas) so I cannot emphasize the abuse too much as he could start getting more abusive towards me.

     

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Pannie.
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