Co-parenting amid Covid

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  • #43154 Report

    18yrs2kids
    Participant

    So I just found out he booked a trip to Greece in a couple weeks, with the woman he’s having an affair with at work. He booked the flight a whole week ago and never mentioned it, it’s scheduled while I’m with the kids (I have them 66% of the time to his 33%) but when he gets back it’s his turn to be with our kids and one of them is asthmatic, and we’ve all been hyper cautious, safe-distancing, getting groceries delivered, staying home except for exercise since March.

    It appears he’s planning to leave without mentioning it beforehand to me, or quarantining afterwards?  The day prior to their departure the two of us have our first mediation session scheduled. I guess I’ll bring it up there, and insist he test and/or quarantine upon return, but now I’m completely questioning whether I can even trust him to co-parent with the kids’ well-being first and foremost, which is how I’d planned the nesting and mediation, etc.

    I don’t even know what my question is, I guess what ground rules do others have established in this regard? Is it even possible to keep a bubble contained, or I just have to accept that our bubble includes her and everybody at their office (that the company isn’t even requiring its employees work in until the end of October) plus whoever she lives with, etc etc?

    #43155 Report

    bekabyrne
    Participant

    At the start of the pandemic the judiciary website published guidance for separated parents and particularly if there was an order in place. In a nutshell, if one parent had concerns they could “override” arrangements in the order.

     

    I’m unsure that you can force him to quarantine but you can refuse for him to care for your children until the end of a quarantine period, i believe?

     

    My son didn’t see his dad from March to June because he still worked and sometimes in hospitals plus there was evidence on the Internet and in the back ground of video calls that he was meeting people outside his household. I refused contact completely and he didn’t question it although he didn’t admit he was breaking rules.

     

    I hope this helps, always remember everything has to be for the good of the child/children. You have a responsibility to keep them safe and well as does he

     

    Good luck!

    #43156 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    hello,

    My ex declared her then partner, who lived 120 miles away actually and moved between his and her house, as a member of her household at the beginning of the pandemic, when lockdown started. I accepted this, as I didn’t want to make it impossible for her to have the boys over. I put the foot down, when they broke up during lockdown and she started dating on tinder and had the next one in the house the same weekend when little one was with her, of course without mentioning it to me. It was either him or little one, our eldest one doesn’t stay at her house any more anyway but still visits her occasionally.  She did then spend a week with her new bloke in his house 100 miles away, without mentioning it to us and I don’t even know, who or what he is, what he is doing and what kind of risk he poses for us but still took little one with her last week on her scheduled four day holiday in Scotland. As we are in no high risk group and I try to avoid war, I gave it my blessing.  They will be back tonight and I will have to have a long look into how I want to proceed. It is a minefield and I tried to walk the tightrope between risk,  the right of contact to both parents and my gut feeling that we all will end up in quarantine because of her behaviour. As you are in  a higher risk group, it is even more difficult for you. It is not good as there are no clear rules and even more opaque avenues of enforcement. And obviously in our case, appealing to a responsible parent is difficult when you are in fact dealing with a hormone driven 17 year old. I guess, we will just have to set the rules and then see how it works.

    #44732 Report

    18yrs2kids
    Participant

    Our mediator ended up telling me the courts would never support requiring quarantine or negative test. I think that’s ridiculous, and will probably ask at next mediation if it’s been officially addressed since then.

    SirTobi I hope your situation/yr ex’s hormones have settled some as well. Honestly, I don’t mean to sound as though I’m making light. This totally sucks. I wish everyone were as conscientious as Bekabyrne’s ex is.

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