Cms advice needed!

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  • #57662 Report


    Hello, my ex partner has paid 1 payment of csa. To even get that was difficult, he wanted to be stubborn and payed me 10 minutes before the deadline, and also made me agree to his terms of things so I could get the payment. Now 2 weeks before his second payment is arguing about the fact that now he pays me I have to supply nappies clothes etc for the weekend she is at his house. Now I do send her with nappies and pjs for her to come back in but still isn’t enough for what he’s saying. I don’t have contact with him and he’s currently trying to go through my partner about it which is making things stressful for us. Can someone tell me if there is a rule for this? He has threatened and said csa agree with him and is now lowering my payments for next time. Any advice is needed here!

    #57665 Report


    So from my experience of Child Maintenance, I was told its calculated based on my earnings the last financial year and the number of nights I have the children. My ex gave me nothing when I had my children, so I had to buy everything myself.

    In your situation, you don’t “have” to provide anything and neither should he expect it. If you want to, that’s fair enough, but then where does it end? If he misses any payments, you can ask Child Maintenance to take the money from him, and then he ends up paying way more in fees.

    Word of advice, take everything he says with a pinch of salt, and only listen to the authorities. Child Maintenance will determine how much he needs to pay, it’s not his choice (unless you have an agreement outside of Child Maintenance)

    #57669 Report


    He is talking utter b….cks. MCscoobs is correct. I would say don’t chase him / expect him to pay CMP, let him screw up, contact CMS tell them that he is trying to use the payments to intimidate / manipulate you. He will have the money taken directly from his salary (they contact his employer to do this). My ex messed around and got the humiliation of her employer being contacted and got to pay an extra 20% for the privilege. She had to do it for 12 months, she is now back on direct pay and is very prompt with her payments because she knows that if she misses one I will be contacting CMS without hesitation.

    He has no right to expect you to supply anything, though of course you should want your child to be comfortable (as in nappies for a couple of hours / maybe a change of clothes etc). I would insist on getting everything in writing – emails (not texts) and keep your new partner out of it – it will possibly sour your relationship. CMP have nothing to do with access to children – so if he doesn’t pay you really shouldn’t prevent him seeing the children – equally when he does pay it does not give him any more rights. Keep a record of everything so that if you end up going to court it will all show that you are being reasonable and he isn’t! Note that CMS will probably not do anything until the payment is 5 days late, when it happens get straight onto the phone with them. They will probably write to him to warn him of what will happen and it might take a couple of months to sort out but they will collect and they also collect the arrears. It really takes the stress out of it all.

    Good luck.

    #57670 Report


    Hello, thank you both so much for your advice! My child only stays there 4 nights a month so I think it’s very pathetic of him to even ask me to supply for this stuff. I do send her with pjs to come back in after the days she is there and there has never been an issue with this but because he pays not he this he has authority to tell me what I have to buy with this and to provide for him also. I have put a message on my csa account about the situation and my payment hasn’t changed as far as I’m aware, so if he pays less I will be contacting them. Thank you again.

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